Continued from here


It’s finally happened!

Caitlynn and Bradley have delivered a new life into the world, and her name is MacKenzie! Little MacKenzie was delivered just one week ago at a “hefty” 8 pounds, 3 ounces!

Swaddled in a pink blanket and bow-adorned headband, MacKenzie is all set for an empty, ornamental existence solely for the enjoyment of others! In her nursery, all pastel, is an arsenal of learning toys that will prepare her for a life of servitude.

In the corner, a play kitchen in Princess Pink awaits her tiny hands. She will use this to cook for the family of baby dolls that fill her brand new toy box.

“We’re already trying for another. We’re hoping for a boy this time, someone for MacKenzie to look after!” chirped Caitlynn, whose life had followed this same path. As had her mother, and her mother’s mother before her.

Bradley, who had previously been occupied with the assembly of a tiny vanity set, added “Yeah, I’m pretty excited for a boy. Sports, shop, shooting…I’m looking forward to some serious male bonding.”

Perhaps sensing the female trepidation in the room, Brad quickly added “But yeah, a girl is great. Girls are easy. No fuss. Caity could certainly use the help in the kitchen, too. Heh.”

“She’s gonna make a perfect big sister, and someday, a perfect wife. I know I’m getting ahead of myself, but I can’t wait to plan the wedding, and I can’t wait for her and her future husband to have kids of their own. It’s all so exciting!” Baby MacKenzie gurgled in her mother’s arms.

At the suggestion that perhaps Baby MacKenzie might grow up to be something other than a wife, or be, god forbid…GAY, Caitlynn seemed to short circuit for a moment.

“Well, we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it but, she’s gonna grow up in a…stable household, so I’m sure she’ll be able to form normal relationships when the time comes.” Her eyes drifted out the window where she spotted her lesbian neighbors, Andrea and Nicole walking their dog.

“We’re getting the blinds put in today, right honey? The purple ombré ones?”  

Brad, who had emotionally checked out of the conversation moments prior, replied with “Uh, sure. Whatever you want.”

When asked what spurred this young couple to start a family so early, Caitlynn answered “Well, my girlfriend at Hot Yoga just had a boy, so I wanted a girl around the same age for playdates! Have you seen that cute baby wedding photoshoot on Instagram? Those pictures are goals. We’re trying to match up, boy-girl-boy-girl so all our kids have prom dates locked in already.” Caitlynn giggled. Can you imagine not having to worry about finding yourself a man? I’m seriously kind of jealous.”

With a future husband, housewife skills to learn, and a wardrobe full of tiny, impractical dresses, this baby girl certainly does seem to have it all! And all before she can even lift her head on her own.

Baby MacKenzie, perhaps exhausted by the weight of her future, was put down for a nap.


This has been a fake news article.

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