In celebration of Lesbian Visibility Day, here are four real life lesbian adults who are out, proud, and living their best lives.
DANNI
Yesterday, I took apart my RoboRock vacuum cleaner because it wasn’t working properly. Without any assistance from Google or YouTube, I tried to figure out what was wrong with it and fix the problem. Doing this felt enjoyable, like solving a puzzle or figuring out a riddle. This habit of taking things apart to discover how they work began when I was a child.
I’ve taken apart and reassembled guitars, stoves, window panes, MacBooks, CPUs, and more. When I was a preteen and my VCR wasn’t working, it would only be a matter of time before its components were all over my bedroom floor, with me at the center of it all, entirely focused on first, getting to root of the problem, and second, assembling it back to its original composition. Both tasks were always equally satisfying and probably more pleasing than actually using the VCR to watch tapes. On weekends, if I did not have plans, I would frequently find myself looking for some problem to solve. It is no surprise that this translated into me becoming a space systems cyber engineer.
My knack for problem-solving and disassembling complex systems to understand and fix them keeps me challenged and rewarded in my career. Every week there’s seemingly a new problem to solve, often requiring decomposing a system or subsystem down to the part level. I enjoy the challenging work on and off the job, balancing this with a desire to explore other hobbies like hiking, yoga, and CrossFit. My hope is to maintain a well-rounded approach to life, ensuring both mental and physical well-being. Also, my vacuum cleaner is like new again!
MOLLY
I’d like to say I came out of the womb knowing I was a lesbian, but growing up Catholic in a small town in Ohio, of course there was a little more nuance than that. As a kid, I always felt like I identified with lesbians. Anytime I came across one on TV or in the wild, I would think “we have something in common”, but I wasn’t able to articulate what. On numerous occasions, I remember having the exact thought “I’m probably a lesbian, but I’ll deal with that later” and then neatly folding that thought up, stuffing it in a box, and hoping it stayed there. I came out when I was 16. The day it all came together in my head, I was on spring break in the Gulf Coast with my mom and I felt like I was going to throw up for 3 days straight. I came out to my family several months later. There was some initial chaos, but I imagine the ordeal ultimately left my family with an “oh duh” reaction, reflecting on my 5 gallon bucket of Hot Wheels and my brother’s hand-me-down basketball shorts that were effectively glued to my body from ages 7 to 12.
I graduated from Columbia College Chicago with an acting degree and moved to LA (with a brief stint living in the attic of my girlfriend’s grandparent’s house– which is really hot and sexy). I struggled to find where I fit in as an artist in this industry. I found myself frustrated with the projects available to lesbians. They were either too chaste, focused only on the heart-wrenching experiences of struggling to come out, or overtly sexual for male consumption. Not finding the kinds of stories that excited me, I took to the page and began writing my first play, Modern Butchood, which will debut this summer at the Hollywood Fringe Festival. I wanted to write something truthful to my experience as a lesbian. Something complicated and not colored by a need for approval from those outside the community. A piece written by a lesbian for lesbians. When it comes to normalizing the gay lifestyle in our society, the first step is showing that gay people are ‘just like us’, they can be upstanding members of our community, loving parents, and committed partners. What I am interested in as an artist is the step after that: Gay people can be just like us, just as broken and insecure, make the same bad decisions, long for the same approval. We are all human after all.
In my free time, I find myself indulging in a stereotypical list of gay hobbies: rock climbing, wood working, roller skating, and the newest addition– trying to put together a women’s softball team. If you or someone you know wants to be on my softball team, let me know.
KIMIKO
I came out at the very young age of 12. I was genuinely surprised when I found out that other girls were NOT kissing their female friends. I first came out as bi because that’s what the kids called me at school. But by the time that I was 14, I knew I was a lesbian!
I am an Afro Latina, so music and dancing are in my blood. I’ve been dancing my whole life. I love learning all types of movement, and I enjoy performing and teaching dance. I believe it’s the best form of release and a great way to get to know your body.
I started poetry in my teens and soon learned that I had a knack for writing erotic poems. I published my first book, XOXO when I was 26, and I am currently working on a second. Outside of expressing myself through art, I’m a special needs therapist. I work with children on the spectrum and help them develop life skills. I also volunteer with Black Lesbians United, and help organize their annual retreat. I love all my many endeavors and I often look for more things to explore. One place you’re always guaranteed to find me is on the dance floor–smiling, dancing, and flirting the night away!
EVERLYN
A female family member of mine got married to a man in the middle of the COVID pandemic. So I watched the heterosexual coupling via Zoom. She wore a white dress with a long flowing train and a veil that hid her face; a spectacle of patriarchal heteronormativity. After the vows were said, and just before kissing the bride, her husband turned to the camera and announced with glee, “This is the first time we will be kissing!” They had been dating for three years.
In that moment, I saw the future and person my family had envisioned and engineered for me. One that I had escaped by coming out. The box and script that I was supposed to fit into and follow was made visible in the person of my relative and I mourned for her – wishing that this was what she genuinely wanted and had chosen and not the script that she was unconsciously following in order to win the approval of her parents and her community. But I’ve also known her since birth and I mourned because I knew different.
I’d escaped the same fate by coming out at 19. My rebellion had begun long before that in small ways, easily dismissed by family and community as eccentricisms that would be corrected once I followed the “plan.” But coming out as a lesbian sealed the deal for my family – as it was THE scarlet letter that could never be erased from my forehead. For me, however, it was a joyfully revelatory catalyst that embedded in me the surety that I could eschew scripts, jump from boxes, carve a life without templates of heterosexism, gender conformity, and sexual confinement – a knowledge that I had the freedom to choose something other than the life that had been set out by society and family.
My brother reacted by saying, “I feel as if you’re getting away with something. I just don’t know what.” I didn’t either – not then. But now I do. Somewhere deep inside, without having the words for it, I knew that what I wanted as a child–to be a Renaissance Woman who felt free to pursue a life of intellectual, physical, and creative freedom–was impossible under the regime of heteronormativity and female sexual subjugation that I saw all around me. And so many years later, having come out publicly at age 19, I look back and can honestly say that I am that Renaissance Woman I envisioned myself to be when I was seven.
*Everlyn Hunter immigrated to the US from Jamaica at the age of 14. Her educational accomplishments include Masters and Doctoral degrees in Psychology, as well as a diploma from Vancouver Film School in Writing for Television and Film. Concurrent with her professional work, Everlyn has held numerous leadership roles as a board member of non-profit human rights, Jewish, and LGBT organizations. Dr. Hunter currently lives in Los Angeles where she works as a Psychologist. In her spare time, she is a student pilot who loves flying, and an aspiring jazz vocalist. She is currently working on her first full length novel.
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