Every Woman I have Ever Loved: Submission #12

Description: Reader submissions about women they’ve loved– all of them, or just a memorable few.

Growing up, my knowledge of homosexuality was filtered through the lens of a homophobic, Christian upbringing. Looking back, I always knew I was a lesbian, and probably had a few crushes on various teachers and friends, however, due to my family, I pushed those feelings aside. As a teenager, I thought I was in love with a (straight) close friend of mine, which was a horrible experience to be completely honest. Back then, I thought I had finally experienced love for the first time. Evidently, this was not the case.

My first (and hopefully last) girlfriend
A while after that situation, I took the plunge and finally downloaded a few dating apps. I was incredibly apprehensive about the “HER” app but it was the only one I used seriously. Everyone I talked to didn’t give me any sort of hope for the future. In fact, it made me hopeless, moping about how I’d never find someone. Funnily enough, one day, I received a simple “hey” from a girl I couldn’t remember ‘liking’, but I took a chance. At first glance I wasn’t exactly smitten, but we talked and talked. She could somehow keep a conversation going, which was something no one ever seemed able to do. Her girlfriend broke up with her and we discussed that. It was very telling how respectful she was when she discussed all the bad experiences she’d had with her ex without ever speaking badly of her.

We spoke every day and added each other on other social media. I first started talking to her as ‘friends’, but I didn’t bother making an effort with anyone else on the dating apps because I really liked this girl, I had a feeling something would happen, and I wanted to put all my effort into her. I’d never had someone like her before, someone to share everything with, who could understand and bond with me about our shared lesbian experience. After a very long eight months of talking, we finally made spontaneous plans to meet. It was the day before new year’s and I mentioned (with hopes of making plans with her) that I was doing nothing the next night. She subtly mentioned that she was going to a friend’s party, and she invited me to attend it and sleep over at hers.

So, I took a train and tram all the way to her area. We hung out for a few hours, and then we went to the party. We kissed a lot that night. We started dating two months after, and now we are going on ten months. I never expected my first relationship to be like this, but it is. She is perfect (for me); we are almost completely opposite, yet we complement each other nicely. It’s like a dream. I wont bore you with the details but it truly is fantastic. I never imagined myself in this position. I always felt sad or laughed at young couples who were in their first relationship and honestly thought they would last. “Don’t you want to see what’s out there? Experience other people? What if you find someone better?” It was laughable.

I actually did struggle with these thoughts at first, but I eventually I concluded that I didn’t want to be with anyone else; there is no point being curious about other people and wondering “what if” when I have the most perfect girlfriend for me. It would be a waste to leave that behind for the sake of curiosity. Now, I spend all day thinking about our future together, spending time together, getting to see her face every day, creating a home together, bonding over eco-friendly products, and many other things. Every day with her is an adventure and I love that her “hey” created such a wonderful thing.

-Claudia, 19, Australia

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