Every Woman I Have Ever Loved: Submission #14

Description: Reader submissions about women they’ve loved– all of them, or just a memorable few.

Every woman I have ever loved has left me for a man. The girl I loved in high school was crass, unapologetic, and loud. I fell in love as hard as a 15 year old could. We dated until she graduated, and then she disappeared from the face of the earth. Later on, I found out she was dating a man. It happened way too quickly, so it makes me think that she was with him for some duration of our relationship. It hurt. I still think of her, of her face, of her embrace.

The woman I loved in my early twenties was my best friend. We had so many moments together, it was pure bliss to be around her. She had a boyfriend, so I never said anything about how I felt. At one point, she told me she loved someone else. I got my hopes up, thinking it was me, but it just turned out to be another man.

Years later, she confessed she had feelings for me, but it was too late. A mere kiss with me made her feel disgusted with herself for cheating on her current boyfriend. I didn’t contest it. I felt like I couldn’t give her something even remotely close to the life she wanted. We stayed friends, but every time my mind wanders, I think of her, of what never was, and never will be.

It makes me wonder if I’m in the wrong here, if being a woman makes me not enough. I wonder if I’m the one lacking, or if they were too afraid of the implications of loving another woman. Even though being a lesbian brings no shame to me, I still wonder if things will be brighter. If the love of my life will ever come, and stay. If she will accompany me in the long run, not in spite of me being a woman, but because of it.

— Alicia, 27, Uruguay

Share your “Every Woman I Have Ever Loved” stories with us at [email protected]