So here we are, returning to the scene of the crime (Netflix) for a second season. Last time I recapped this show, I was getting ready for my very own lesbian wedding in summer 2023. And the status of me and my partner is… drumroll…
Still married!
But older and wiser. And honestly, “still married” has been in question a few times already. Reality TV was right, marriage can be hard. Even if you wait several years to get married, so just imagine if you only got a few weeks while being followed around by a film crew. We’ve been through two years of couples therapy, and, spoiler alert – between me, my wife, and everyone on season 1, us and Saussie are the only ones still together.
Is there any hope for season two’s couples? No one knows for sure, but you know I’m going to guess.
First, who are these people? Time for another chart.
| AJ 28 Receiver | Haley 29 Issuer | Kyle 30 Issuer | Marie 27 Issuer | Magan 27 Receiver | Marita 25 Receiver |
| Britney 27 Issuer | Pilar 29 Receiver | Bridget 28 Receiver | Mel 27 Receiver | Dayna 25 Issuer | Ashley 30 Issuer |
(Note: in this chart, “Issuer” and “Receiver” refers to whether they issued or received the ultimatum. Not the other thing you’re thinking).
I was relieved to see at least one butch-for-butch (ish) couple. Last season, we seemed to have about 4 butch/femme couples and one relatively femme/femme couple. This season is seeming a little more broad, with three butch/femmes, one femme/femme, one butch/butch, and one soft butch (?)/femme. And before we get too far, let me get my obligatory disclaimer out of the way and say I’m basing these labels entirely off how I perceive them. None of them have self-described this way. But a gal sees what she sees.
Episode 1: Either You Want To Marry Me Or You Don’t
As we’re getting to know each couple I’m once again seeing a pattern of the more femme partners issuing ultimatums to their more butch partners. In Britney and AJ’s case, AJ feels like Britney is above her – that she deserves the world and AJ isn’t sure if she’s in a place to give it to her.
There are two couples where the partner who doesn’t want to get married is hesitant to do so because her family wouldn’t be on board (i.e. Pilar with Haley, and Magan with Dayna). I feel that. My wife and I didn’t want to figure out all the logistics of who would be supportive and who wouldn’t when we got married, so we had a little party with just my parents, her mom, and a bunch of our friends. Then we eloped 1500 miles away. For context, I’m the one whose family is relatively OK with our relationship and my wife is the one whose family is not so supportive. So as we’re watching this season, I’m looking a lot at my wife to see what she thinks.
And after the above exchange, my wife said she said she was skeeved out.
Which is fair! She and I had been dating for seven years when we got engaged. We called my parents after, and they said congratulations and “it’s about time.” When we called my wife’s mom, she said, “Oh… are you sure?”
As you can imagine, we didn’t bother calling her dad.
I promise I’ll get off my soapbox soon, but it can take a lot of courage, patience, and frankly, sacrificing closeness with your family to be in a publicly committed lesbian relationship. I really appreciate that my wife was willing to do that with me, but I don’t know if it’s fair to expect that from everyone.
Let’s move on to something less heavy – Bridget’s gravity-defying hair.
They spend a lot of time this season making it very clear that after tonight, you and the person you came here with will be EXES. The implication, in my opinion, being that you really shouldn’t be surprised if your girlfriend has sex with someone else on this show because that’s like, what’s supposed to happen. Boy, I wonder if anyone’s going to get mad about their ex-girlfriend sleeping with someone else while they’re broken up…
At this point, I’m an hour and a half into my gummy and regretting it heavily as I struggle to remember everyone’s names and faces.
I can remember Magan though. Partially because she’s gorgeous and partially because she has a classic I’m-not-out-but-lemme-have-my-secret-gay-hair undercut.
Do lesbians really pressure their partners out of the closet like this in real life? I thought that was a problem we made up to provide conflict for our books and movies.
We hear more about Bridget and Kyle, who began their two-and-a-half-year relationship with a standard week-long lesbian first date.
I know I said I don’t like her mullet, but I do think Bridget looks like she should be in MUNA or Boygenius or something. Kyle looks like she should be about 55 years old selling handmade jewelry at an art fair, which I mean as a compliment. She’s getting an early jump on being a middle-aged lesbian.
For Bridget, the hesitation to get married is that she doesn’t see how it’s that much different from what they’re already doing. But she does say it’s clear it’s quite important to Kyle, and wants to understand why.
Ashley and Marita both look like they went to SEC schools, but Ashley looks like she was on the softball team and Marita looks like she was a sorority sister. I can’t explain why, it’s just something in their faces. They also have matching nose rings and talk in the same tone of voice.
Marita sounds like she’s ready to end this relationship right here, right now. What the hell?
We learn about Mel and Marie, who own a food truck together, which would be awkward to divide if they ended up breaking up…
For Mel, she had four women through her childhood that she called mom, and all of them have disappeared from her life. So now she’s worried about messing up her own marriage. I can hear the cries of a thousand “I-can-fix-hers” already.
We go over to Britney and AJ in bed. I start to wonder if Britney’s eyebrows are tattooed on considering how crisp they look.
AJ’s holdup is that she looks up to her parents and their long marriage, and wants to be absolutely certain she marries the right person. She’s worried Britney could wake up one day and not love her anymore. And, as previously mentioned, AJ considers herself kind of a dweeb compared to her beautiful and successful girlfriend. Is there a word for relationship imposter syndrome?
After spending a little time with each existing couple, we head to the beach to watch them all date each other while Hot To Go plays in the background. We see that Marita is absolutely one hundred percent clocked out of her relationship. Dayna expands on how Magan might not be able to commit to their relationship without sacrificing her family, and Mel raises an eyebrow and asks, “You would make her choose?”
Mel, on the other hand, is not close at all with her family and has been living on her own since she was sixteen. She really is an angsty dreamboat.
Magan ends up talking with Pilar. It’s nice to see them connect and realize they’re not alone in their shitty family situations. I could see them together.
Haley was also Pilar’s “first girl experience,” and they’ve been dating for ten years. It seems like Pilar is worried about what else could be out there. Our couples therapist knows exactly how embarrassingly relatable that is for me.
AJ and Marie bond over feeling like they lost themselves in giving too much to their partners. Marita says she wants someone who matches her level of romantic gestures. Then she gives the example of the time she handwrote a 98-page story of her and Ashley’s relationship, and, um… I’ll be honest, I don’t know if anyone’s going to match that.
At the bar, AJ calls herself “a hoochie daddy without the shorts” and flirts more with Marita. Dayna is working overtime to reassure Magan, who does not want to be here any more, and to let Mel know in no uncertain terms that she thinks she’s hot. Britney takes a turn crying about regretting coming on this show. And Pilar is solidly in a love triangle between Kyle and Bridget.
We end the episode back at the hotel with Dayna and Magan. Magan asks a very fair question (“why are we doing this?”) and basically says she’s not sure if she could stay with Dayna if Dayna were to sleep with someone else during the trial marriage. Which, again, is kind of what’s supposed to happen, so…
And that’s it for episode one – stay tuned for recaps of the rest of the episodes!
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