Episode 2: Love Triangles
At the end of Episode 1, Magan was saying she wanted to leave before they started the trial marriages, because she couldn’t bounce back from it if her girlfriend, Dayna, got physical with someone else.
Dayna pressures Magan into sticking around for the experience. Basically, “If you really love me, you’d have sex with someone else.”
So Magan agrees to stay, and we continue onward with the dates. It looks like AJ is into Marie, Bridget, and to a less serious extent, Marita.
Marita talks about her self-image issues from being put into the spotlight at a young age to how she’s learned to be happy with her keloid scars.
Kyle and Pilar have a good date. One major difference between them is their family. Pilar’s mother still won’t talk to her, while Kyle’s family was accepting. But they both came out to their parents via letter, which made me laugh because that’s also how my wife and I each came out to our moms. Just how common is the letter / email come-out anyway?
At this point, I have to stop and make another chart. So, Pilar is interested in Bridget and Kyle, who are each other’s exes:
But Bridget is also interested in AJ. Marie and Marita are into AJ as well.
Bridget asks AJ how many times a week she likes to have sex. AJ says it can “dwindle to once or twice a week” and Bridget says “ideally, every day would be great.” Which causes AJ to raise her eyebrows and playfully tease her a bit.
Also, I need to see AJ’s mom deliver on this.
I think if my mother-in-law ever asked me about the details of our sex life, I would experience a severe psychological event.
AJ and Bridget do seem to be getting pretty close, though. Is wearing basically the same earrings as another lesbian a sign of compatibility?
Mel and Britney go on a date in a brewery and Mel drops the bomb that she has a condition that gives her chronic, incurable pain that she’s worried will cut her life short. Britney is the first person here she’s told that to (besides Marie, I would assume). That’s pretty major!
Right after that we get a date with Mel and Dayna where they’re wearing the same clothes. No, seriously, look.
Mel asks Dayna if she’s a bottom, and Dayna says no, more of a switch. Then Mel points out Dayna’s long nails and Dayna says her ex, Magan, talked her into getting them right before the show. That is downright sabotage.
Speaking of Magan, she’s on a date now with Haley. Magan says she wants at least two kids and Haley feels the same way I do about kids (that birthing a child sounds like a horror show). God, Magan is gorgeously lesbian. Hiding that she’s gay must be next to impossible.
All the single ladies get together at a cocktail (pussytail?) party together. Maybe I have blonde blindness, but I swear Dayna looks the exact same as Giannina from Love Is Blind.
Also, I’m not typically into femmes, but Britney looks incredible. Everyone seems SUPER drunk and I’m really glad no one is putting me on TV while I’m drunk as hell and making some of the most important decisions of my life.
Dayna tells Mel that she’s getting trust issues from how interested Mel seems in Britney, and literally tells Mel, “I feel like you’re playing games.” Then we immediately cut to Magan and AJ talking, and saying they’re both suspicious of Mel. It kind of sounds to me like they’re both just jealous that Mel’s flirting with their exes.
Magan once again mentions she doesn’t know if she could get back with Dayna if Dayna had sex with someone else. Girl, I think this is the wrong show for you…
Bridget talks to Marita and realizes AJ has super intense chemistry with Marita as well. Basically, it seems like AJ is Marita, Bridget, and Marie’s #1 choice, and Bridget thought she was AJ’s #1 until now. She and Pilar talk about it and basically decide that AJ is saying the same thing to all the girls and that she’s being fake. Uh oh.
So now Bridget is fired up to confront AJ and she’s also not sure she’s going to be picked by anyone tomorrow.
As we head into the The Choice, Pilar correctly points out that there are “so many love triangles” and it’s super confusing. Let’s summarize again.
- Mel likes Britney and Dayna.
- AJ likes Marie, Bridget, and Marita. (But now Bridget is suspicious of AJ).
- Pilar likes Kyle and Bridget.
Which means the only people left not in love triangles are… Haley, Magan, and Ashley.
AJ calls Bridget “the most feminine prince” as a compliment, and then everything explodes.
OOP.
Bridget says it was hard to get past AJ’s “manufactured confidence” and “put-on chemistry” and everyone looks tense and confused.
Honestly, I don’t know how I feel. Bridget says that AJ was telling all the girls the same thing about having a connection, to make it seem deeper than it was… but then, I feel like AJ could just be very interested in multiple people at once. What I do know is I LOVE drama, so this is great (for me).
Britney jumps in to defend AJ and says that everyone gets captivated by AJ. I could see that, honestly. That’s how I feel when I go to lesbian meetups with my wife and everyone’s magnetically drawn to her and she’s just like, clueless. And I’m like, babe, everyone wants to be around you because you’re hot. It’s the effortless butch swag that all the girls crave.
In general, everyone seems more suspicious of each other this season. Which makes sense. I think reality shows are always best in the first season where no one knows what they’re doing or if this is going to make them famous.
But let’s get down to brass carabiners.
JoAnna (the host) politely tells everyone to calm the fuck down and get back to picking partners.
AJ says she’s connected with Bridget, Marie, and Marita.
Bridget is clearly not interested now.
Marita picks AJ back. And then so does Marie.
So what now? Well, obviously, they cut the episode there just to mess with your sleep schedule.
Episode 3: The Choice
Okay, so, AJ gets the final choice since both Marie and Marita like her back. She picks Marie and we get a LOT of good reaction shots.
RIP Marita. She had her heart set on AJ and didn’t really talk to other people.
Pilar picks Kyle. Kyle picks her back.
Bridget now has both her main squeezes off the table (AJ and Pilar), so at this point I’d expect her to end up in an unhappy trial marriage with fellow leftover Marita. But when we go back to Bridget, she says she’s interested in Ashley (if you forgot who she is, she’s Marita’s ex and looks like she plays softball). Ashley chooses her back.
Haley picks Magan, who chooses her back.
Mel says she likes both Dayna and Britney. Once again we get a double-choice as both Britney and Dayna choose Mel back. JoAnna volleys it back to Mel, who picks Dayna out of the two of them.
And then that just leaves Britney and Marita. Ouch. I think Britney got the short end of the stick (short end of the strap?). Kind of like when Sam got chosen last in the first season, I think Britney is just a normal, reasonable person who isn’t going to cause a lot of drama and got paired with someone who is the drama.
| AJ Issued by Britney 28 | Kyle Issuer to Bridget 30 | Bridget Issued by Kyle 28 | Haley Issuer to Pilar 29 | Mel Issued by Marie 27 | Marita Issued by Ashley 25 |
| Marie Issuer to Mel 27 | Pilar Issued by Haley 29 | Ashley Issuer to Marita 30 | Magan Issued by Dayna 27 | Dayna Issuer to Magan 25 | Britney Issuer to AJ 27 |
Hang on, there’s something missing from this chart. I can’t quite… put my… ah. Yes. My finger on it.
| AJ Issued by Britney 28 Medium nails | Kyle Issuer to Bridget 30 Short nails | Bridget Issued by Kyle 28 Medium nails | Haley Issuer to Pilar 29 Medium nails | Mel Issued by Marie 27 Short nails | Marita Issued by Ashley 25 Medium nails |
| Marie Issuer to Mel 27 Long nails | Pilar Issued by Haley 29 Medium nails | Ashley Issuer to Marita 30 Medium nails | Magan Issued by Dayna 27 Short nails | Dayna Issuer to Magan 25 Long nails | Britney Issuer to AJ 27 Long nails |
This is critical compatibility information, FYI. I don’t believe in horoscopes, I believe in handoscopes.
At presumably everyone’s first night with their trial wife, most of the couples seem pretty excited already. Except Britney and Marita, who have the opposite of chemistry. And Magan, who is still torn up about being without Dayna. Poor Britney is mentally preparing to walk away from the show alone and at the same time planning how she’s going to fulfill Marita’s need for big romantic gestures.
Apparently these apartments have king size beds, which Pilar points out have “so much room for activities.” The foreshadowing is strong. People are gonna be fucking this season for SURE.
First cute pet of the season spotted and he looks just as uncomfortable as everyone watching.
The editing is also telling us Magan and Haley are going to be a strong couple. They seem to feel very safe and comfortable around each other. Dayna and Mel too – they stayed up until 5 AM just talking.
And I guess Magan’s feeling OK now because she’s doing this:
Marie has a cat, who is very round and cute and has one flop ear. AJ makes the same dumb joke I would.
Unfortunately, things don’t stay cute and fun with Marie and AJ for long…
Episode 4: Secret Rendezvous
So now we’re solidly in week one of trial marriages. We get to see a lot of the couples settling in and being cute (and also maybe way too certain about someone they just met a week ago. Disney Princesses have nothing on reality TV).
Britney still misses AJ. Magan looks hot as hell playing pool. And Mel wants Dayna to stay in the bathroom while she’s peeing, which reminds me of this legendary Korra / Janet Varney edit.
AJ goes to meet up with Britney late at night. Also, she has a dog named Dukey.
It looks like AJ had assumed Marie was asleep when she left, but guess what? Marie walks out of the bedroom right as AJ is getting back.
The next day, AJ and Marie are talking about the Orlando Valkyries and AJ decides to admit to Marie that she’s seen Britney (we know) twice (wait, what?). Marie feels completely betrayed.
Then we go to Marie’s ex, Mel, at home with Dayna. They talk about wanting to put their fingers inside each other, how they trust each other so much already, and ask if the sun is the sun.
Later we see Mel and Dayna hanging out at the mysteriously-empty pool (did they close the pool for filming?) and Dayna mentions that Mel took gum out of Dayna’s mouth earlier and ate it. Ew.
The Marie-Mel quadrant is quickly becoming the locus of this season’s drama. Now Marie is upset because she saw Mel when she passed by the pool and Mel didn’t acknowledge her at all. Which seems like not that big a deal, but she’s in a very precarious place at this point. Don’t forget she co-owns a food truck with Mel, so her personal AND professional life will blow up if this goes wrong.
Turns out Magan ALSO saw Dayna and Mel at the pool. Did Netflix do this on purpose?
Well, at least Mel and Dayna seem happy, I guess…
Britney, by the way, did not tell her trial wife Marita that she’s seen AJ twice. But like, does it even matter that much because Marita and Britney are clearly not even into each other. Britney says she just needed closure and she’s going to be totally dedicated to Marita. And Marita seems pretty happy with her so far – Britney’s being more romantic than Ashley was.
I have to admit, I’m not super impressed with Marita, because it seemed like she came on this show ready to break up with Ashley. We finally get to hear more of Ashley’s side as she talks to Bridget and reveals she has a physically abusive ex. Ashley actually lied in court to keep her ex-girlfriend from going to prison. I’m glad Ashley was able to get out, and it makes sense if she has lingering issues from that relationship.
Anyway, then I got emotional whiplash because now Haley and Magan are getting freaky with blindfolds, and Dayna and Mel are straight up tonguing. And Marie is dancing with her cat. Good for her.
And there’s a boat shaped like a car for some reason.
Dayna and Mel are back in their matching denim and black outfits. They acknowledge that they’re becoming a little codependent. I guess it’s good they recognize that?
And while some of our couples (Dayna and Mel, and Haley and Magan) appear to be pretty comfortable getting physical, we end the episode on an argument between Pilar and Kyle about whether they should have kissed or not. Apparently Pilar (and me, too, FWIW) thought Kyle was into Pilar and kissed her. But either Kyle’s not into her, or just doesn’t feel okay with being physical intimate in their trial marriage.
So at this point we have two couples who are crazy about each other (Dayna/Mel and Haley/Magan), two couples in an argument (AJ/Marie and Pilar/Kyle), one pair of platonic buddies (Britney/Marita), and one couple who’s not generating enough drama to make it into much of the show (Ashley/Bridget).
And that’s where we end for this block of episodes! I’m holding off on watching the last handful of episodes until I finish recapping 5 through 7. So I’ll see you soon!
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