Author Abbey

I am a simple desert dwelling lesbian with a penchant for complaining on the internet. My special skill is falling asleep anywhere, at any time. My favorite fruit is persimmons but I'm too impatient to keep them in my house. My gayest secret is: I spent $80 plus tax and interest on a Tegan and Sara hoodie once.

A Case for Staying Friends with Your Ex.

A few months ago, my girlfriend of 2 years and I broke up. It felt like a long time coming, to be honest. I was unhappy that I had been lied to and manipulated for so long. She was unhappy… Continue Reading →

Straight Couple Already Planning Life of Dreary Servitude for Baby Girl

Continued from here It’s finally happened! Caitlynn and Bradley have delivered a new life into the world, and her name is MacKenzie! Little MacKenzie was delivered just one week ago at a “hefty” 8 pounds, 3 ounces! Swaddled in a… Continue Reading →

Straight Couple Overshares about their Baby-Making Process, and There’s Nothing You Can Do to Stop Them.

Local heterosexuals Caitlynn and Bradley are excited to announce that they are trying for a baby! Sources report that the happy couple have been seen galavanting around town and going on about their newfound sense of sexual freedom and evolutionary… Continue Reading →

In Defense of the Unwoke

Many of us who grew up in the burgeoning days of the internet found it to be something of a gay oasis in an otherwise painfully heterosexual desert. Where our gay ancestors may have discovered their identities in the dictionary… Continue Reading →

The Woes of a Modern Lesbian

In my mind, being a lesbian in 2018 is similar to what I imagine being a mountain dwelling hermit in the 1800s was like. You just want to be left alone, you have a herbal remedy for everything , and… Continue Reading →

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