Every Woman I Have Ever Loved: Submission #13

Description: Reader submissions about women they’ve loved– all of them, or just a memorable few.

I don’t remember where or how Heather and I met. She lived across town and we had no mutual friends in common. But somehow our paths crossed and she invited me to her 16th birthday party. 

Heather was beautiful with an hour glass figure and long blonde hair. I wanted her attention and she was giving it all to me. I was in total amazement that she wanted me to be at her party and I was desperate to make it out there. I talked my mom into driving me the 30 minutes to her house. When I arrived, I felt a little weird because I was the only person invited and it was a sleepover, which Heather didn’t mention. 

My mom hesitated to let me spend the night, but she ultimately caved. Heather and I stayed up all night watching MTV music videos on mute. At midnight, we decided to brave the chilly November air and we climbed out her bedroom window and went to the woods behind the house. We stood out there freezing and smoking cigarettes.

We stood close together surrounded by trees and directly under the full moon. I felt strong and energized. We were playfully touching each other when Heather kissed me. I felt a fire rise out of my stomach and it warmed me. I felt alive and tingly. It wasn’t my first kiss with a girl but it was the first time I realized I actually liked kissing girls. 

We saw her grandmother’s bedroom light turn on and we made a mad dash out of the woods and sprinted across her backyard. We climbed through her window, crawled on to the top bunk, and pretended to be asleep. When it was safe, Heather kissed me again. I felt so much power come from that kiss. I went down on her and I felt so free right in that moment. I had finally found happiness. Heather asked me to be her girlfriend. I said yes. 

My mom picked me up the next day and my neck was covered in hickeys. I was oddly proud. 

Heather wasn’t interested in talking on the phone. She always said she just didn’t like it and was always pushing for me to go to her house. Two weeks after her party I finally talked my best friend’s older brother into driving me out there. When we arrived, she was angry that I had shown up to her house unannounced. We stood out in the driveway and Heather was ignoring me while giving all her attention to my friend.

She broke up with me and proclaimed her feelings for my best friend. I was devastated and confused. I felt betrayed and angry, embarrassed and broken. I later found out that she knew I was a lesbian and wanted to find out if she was too. 

– H.A, 32, Missouri

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