After reading this I’m like…. BRB gotta go learn everything about collard greens and find a way to love salmon and then secure a loan cos that perfect date aint gonna pay for itself!
Also I hope that female duet comes together because I would love to hear it!
Thank you for this review, Bit! This shades in some of what’s missing between the translation from book to film, nicely. I liked the film, even though I had moments where the power imbalance between them/the semi-quasi-mother-daughter thing creeped me. Fortunately it wasn’t completely that dynamic, there was much more to them than that, but those moments did unsettle me. My favorite thing about how polarizing the film was in my circle has been getting to see things from my friends’ unexpected perspectives. I had such a different take than some of my friends but I’ve appreciated all the values behind our points of disagreement/divergence. It’s been nice just to have something lesbian to discuss. And it’s so awesome to have this site as a place to do that, too!
These submissions are heartbreaking. To the anonymous sisters who wrote them: Stick with us! I’m glad you have found a place, even a virtual place like this, where you can be heard. We’re here for you. And it does get better after your teens.
If you have to ask if Lesbians are still relevant, then the obvious answer is YES. Otherwise, why bring us up at all? Further, to question our relevance is to question our very existence. It’s like wondering if we’ve all died out yet, or decided to identify as something else instead, or perhaps we were never real to begin with. They said, “This discussion will revolve around the erasure of lesbian identity in a heterosexist context.” But I don’t see many heterosexuals trying to convince Lesbians that “sexuality is fluid” and claiming that Lesbians are attracted to “woman-identified people.” That kind of erasure comes from the queer community. Also, Equality Michigan, HRC, and NCLR didn’t publically attack the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival because of heterosexism, or because Lesbians aren’t relevant anymore, they did it because “inclusion.” And it was queer activists who claimed the end of 40 years of Lesbian gathering and culture at Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival as a victory for themselves. How can that be, if Lesbians are irrelevant? This question is just one in a series of many forms of erasure not by a mainstream, heterosexist society, but by the very people and organizations who claim to be our alphabet-soup allies. Yes, we’re relevant. We’re relevant because we exist, as individuals and as a culture. We’re relevant because you wouldn’t need to erase us if we weren’t. We’re relevant because we are a community of strong, powerful, women-loving-women. Lesbian Nation is not going anywhere.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story! The part where you were second guessing yourself because you hadn’t slept with a woman yet really hit home for me.
I really enjoyed Carol without reading the source book, but I’m also the type to jump into a tv show mid-season and be fine that there’s explanations and motivations I don’t know about.
What I really loved was that I felt completely comfortable seeing this movie with my mom! (We go to film festivals a lot so we’ve accidentally seen a lot of sex scenes together. Awkward! Now I read reviews first. One cursory glance at the “rated R for something something and a sex scene” and I was like, okay we can get through one!)
My mom was the one that suggested going and afterwards we talked about it for a long time! We both thought that the romance was believable and really enjoyed the plot.
I’m really happy that I got to have that experience!
I found this site scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed and clicking a link (I really like this site ALREADY)! I am friends with Be and when I saw her and Aha’s faces on a post of course I have to see what’s up. Looking over the article I find it doesn’t get too personal (and I like that too) and I see some other lesbian celebrity couples I didn’t know about. Hold out hope for truelove (I’m also still looking).
I really enjoyed this article. That video was also really cool. The guy at the end was funny, he had no hesitation.
I kinda wanna ask those questions to my male friends/family and see what they say.
Also I feel you, sometimes I listen to women talk about how they got so drunk that they made out with their female friends in a club and how it was so hot. And it’s really uncomfortable because two women kissing isn’t supposed to be entertainment value at a club.
I loved Portia de Rossi’s Unbearable Lightness. I enjoyed it much more than Wasted. Hornbacher’s work is more triggering to me and hits on the sorts of things that people fully committed to recovery shouldn’t be doing. The way she wrote about it was an issue for me. (fellow eating disorder memoir reader here obviously haha. Unbearable Lightness was definitely more relateable as a lesbian. Did you enjoy it more than Wasted?)
Really insightful review!
I relate to being completely surprised that Portia de Rossi of all people felt about her relation to (traditional) feminity and the butch/femme stuff. I’m glad to hear that someone else was interested in that.
If you do read more lesbian memoirs I’m totally excited about reading your reviews on here! I would love to end up on a lesbian memoir kick too.
I confess it’s been a very long time since I read “Wasted,” so you may be right. I remember liking it because I was a mental-illness-memoir junkie in the 90s, and a lot of that stuff was “Prozac Nation” type fare that glamorized being ill, like– oh, look how beautiful and broken I am, I am just too brilliant for this world, etc, etc, etc. I remember finding Hornbacher’s work brutally refreshing because it did not even pretend to go down that road.
But like I said, it’s been a while. I would probably not re-read it now.
Great interview, both of you. Guess what, Liza, Tanis and I graduated from the very same high school, which neither of us liked, she 42 years after me! Isn’t that amazing!
Thanks for this great review! I’m so proud of my best friend in the world Julia Pels. Hilarious. I can’t wait till I can get out there from Chicago to watch the next show. Way to go Killer Unicorns!
Here’s some more info I collected on festivals/events:
London Lesbian Film Festival – London, Ontario – April 15-17, 2016
Amazon Music Festival – Fayetteville, AR – April 22-23, 2016
Virginia Women’s Music Festival – near Kent’s Store, VA – May 27-30, 2016
Women Outdoors National Gathering – southern New Hampshire – May 27-30, 2016
National Women’s Music Festival – Middleton, WI – June 30-July 3, 2016
Women in Tune Music Festival – Wales, UK – August 11-15, 2016
Women’s Red Rock Music Festival – Torrey, Utah – August 12-13, 2016
OreGaia Northwest Womyn’s Fest – near Portland, OR – August 18-21,2016
Twin Oaks Women’s Gathering – Louisa, VA – August 19-21, 2016
BoldFest – Vancouver, BC – September 1-4, 2016
Black Lesbians United Retreat – Malibu, CA – September 2-5, 2016
Cinema Systers Film Festival – Paducah, Kentucky – September 9-11, 2016
Sisterspace – Darlington, MD – September 9-11, 2016
Fabulosa – near Yosemite in California – September 13-18, 2016
Ohio Lesbian Festival – near Columbus, OH – September 16-18, 2016
Iowa Women’s Music Festival – not held every year
Word, Rock & Sword – 2016 dates not announced yet
Stargaze Festival – Barrington, NH – September 23-25, 2016
Women’s Week – Provincetown, MA – October 10-16, 2016
California Women’s Music Festival – Modesto, CA – dates unknown
If you are into feminist choral music, either to sing or to listen to, I recommend visiting Sister Singers website to see if there is a choir near where you live. You’ll hear a variety of types of music, not just classical, and you’ll often find plenty of lesbians in the choir and the audience. (On a side note, the longest running feminist choir, Anna Crusis Women’s Choir of Philadelphia, PA celebrated 40 years in 2015!) http://www.sistersingers.net/AlphaChorusList.shtml
Where Womyn Gather (spiritual) – N.E. Pennsylvania – June 9-12, 2016
Savanna Moon Music Celebration (drumming) – Stockholm, WI – August 19-21, 2016
Womenfest (party) – Key West, FL – September 7-11, 2016
If you want to keep up with these and other events, a great source of information is Lesbian Connection magazine. From their website: “Lesbian Connection is the free worldwide forum of news, ideas and information for, by and about lesbians. We’ve been publishing this bimonthly magazine since 1974, and we mail issues out via snail mail in plain brown envelopes. (The word “lesbian” doesn’t appear anywhere on the outside.)
This magazine is a grassroots forum, which means it’s truly written by our readers. On our pages you’ll find info for lesbians on places to live and where to travel, lesbian B&Bs and guesthouses, websites, cruises, festivals, conferences, lesbian land and retirement communities, products (books, CDs, DVDs, etc.), campgrounds and retreats, lesbian lawyers and realtors, as well as the comic strip “Dykes to Watch Out For” and much more. There are also reviews, articles and letters dealing with whatever issues LC‘s readers are thinking about, from gay marriage to health issues, relationships and politics.
So, if you’re a lesbian and you’d like to start receiving LC, all you need to do is email us (LC@LConline.org) your full name and complete (snail mail) mailing address and we’ll be happy to add you to our list. (By the way, our mailing list is totally confidential; we will never sell, loan or share it with anyone else.) In case you’re wondering, LC survives on the donations we receive from our readers. However, contributions are voluntary, and subscriptions really are free to all lesbians. Our goal is, quite simply, to connect the lesbian community worldwide.”
One more comment and then I promise to let this rest! (Can you tell that I’m not feeling well and trying to distract myself in a positive way?) Depending on where you live, Meetup.com can be useful. When I moved to an unfamiliar city for a while, I was quite successful at forming much of my social life around Meetup events and the women I met there.
Thank you for this. I am a proud lesbian. I have only been out for 5 years but I love the word lesbian and proudly wear it. You summed up a lot of my feelings regarding “queer”.
It’s amazing how more “enlightened” and “progressive” sexuality labels all involve leaving room for men. Everyone is so concerned that we leave space for men in our lives.
Reading this reaffirms that I’m not the only crazy woman out there who shudders are the word queer. Logically, I know I’m not the only one. But reading someone else’s same thoughts takes a weight off my shoulders.
Yes I am a lesbian nothing queer about me I’m also a dyke that is what I came out too and I was proud. At times i have been fed up with society’s crap but that’s cos they think they have my number and most don’t .
Identifying as a lesbian means there is a whole community who I can identify with, we share similar experiences. I stand on the shoulders of others who fought for the right to own the words, dyke, butch, femme, lesbian, but some see these as pejoratives, like the word feminist. I love my sister’s and recognize their struggles even still.
Yes, the patriarchy wants to convince us that lesbians under age 35 don’t exist.
I call BS.
Not evey woman is ‘fluid’ and ‘open’.
Sexual orientation is about desire, not duty of obligation.
Some women only desire sex with other women. We are not obligated to have sex with men, be open to sex eith men, or to consider sex with men.
We.are.Lesbians.
I am Lesbian, not queer, sis something, or bi. Thank you for this post.. I like butch Lesbians as well as fem Lesbians. I don’t like others naming who I am. Thank you again.
That was excitingly fantastic! I am going to share this on my Facebook wall and wait for you the whining. This is amazing! I am a proud lesbian who also calls herself a dyke! Thank you so so much for writing this!
Note that gay men are never hassled for being gay. Indeed, gay men love to celebrate how repulsed they are by women, in the most misogynist and hateful ways possible. Sadly, many straight and even bisexual women join in the near universal hate-fest that is misogyny.
Gay men and straight men, I’ve found, differ only in how they express their misogyny. Straight men hate women, and they want to express their contempt sexually. Gay men hate women, and they DON’T want to use their contempt sexually. Instead, they express their contempt by expressing disgust towards women’s primary and secondary sex characteristics. It is not a coincidence that gay men run the fashion and beauty industry.
Meanwhile, gay bars are filled with gay men, straight women who endure their “teasing”, and a few opportunistic straight doods who not only prey on the much-abused het girl BFFs of gay boys, but also try to hit on those of us who’d sooner castrate them than let them buy us a drink.
Us? I think I just meant myself, at least in this town.
^ THANK YOU, Killjoy. Your words are like a soothing balm to my soul. I’m completely alone in my town for my urge to castrate, too. It is out of a foolish and futile love for humanity that I haven’t yet grabbed a handfull, twisted, and pulled. Lucky them.
I’m a Drag King on the gay bar scene and the air is ripe with misogyny from gay men, which everyone just ignores or says is “a joke.” I’ve been molested more on the scene by gay men than by the str8 doods, which is REALLY saying something. Also, the drag queens get called she/her/ma’am but the Drag Kings get called she/her/miss when that’s obviously not what we’re trying to portray. There’s also this assumption that every Drag King is actually a wanna-be transgender man, which is even more lesbian erasure, and that opens the flood gates for gay men to try and f*** us. And while I perform for the Women in the gay bar (hey gurl hey), the gay guys think the entire show is just for them and come crotch-grab me every second chance they get. I’m not sure how we got to this point.
…and yes I do think those gay men get turned on by groping the dirty sock I stick down my drawers, exemplifying the level of intelligence for all men across the board.
Have you watched Season 2 of F to 7th? The entire thing is about Ingrid trying to be straight, including a really gross pegging scene with a man and a disturbing conversation with a young girl telling her that her that she isn’t really gay and should go on a date with a boy… it was seriously just painful and not entertaining lesbian media.
But what is *WAY* more horrifying in Season 2 is the use of molestation as a comedic plot device. The episode titled “oh d*ddy” was made in extremely bad taste, building up to lines that I guess are supposed to be funny (!!!????!!!) of the father telling Ingrid “honey, I wish I had molested you” and more bullshit that I really can’t stomach typing out. So fucking not ok, so fucking triggering.
Hi. Thanks for reading the article and voicing your concerns. I saw the 2nd season when it came out two years ago and had forgotten a good portion of the plot by the time I wrote this. Your comment led me to do a quick rewatch of some of the clips.
I agree that the “oh daddy” episode was incredibly inappropriate and it missed the mark in its attempt to make light of a very serious issue so I have edited this post to include trigger warnings about that as well as the male nudity in episode 3.
However, I think that one of the main points of the season was to portray a lesbian with staggering levels of internalized homophobia as she worked through her issues in an uncomfortable and somewhat humorous way. Throughout the show, it is painfully clear that she is in no way attracted to men. Hence the awkward date and fully-clothed “sex” with a man who she dumped right afterwards.
I hope you enjoyed the four other shows that were listed. Thanks again for reading.
This is really lovely. I love the soft slow-moving atmosphere of it and the colours you use. It feels like memories, like seeing into someone’s mind. I’m looking forward to more of these.
I love this idea–I’ve done woman-only literary consumption, but never lesbian-only. Maybe I’ll do this for July! I’m currently reading Octavia Butler and Desert of the Heart, so I’m off to a good start. Lesbian romance novels make the best beach reads anyway 😉
” what would be more groundbreaking are black characters and lesbian characters who actually get to be happy without subsequently getting killed off.” This, seriously. I can’t believe they killed the black lesbian character, and (afaik) the only character on the show portrayed by a black lesbian actress. Callous, shameful writing from OITNB. I won’t be watching anymore.
I love and agree heavily with this post! For me especially, reading and going to readings has become an important part of learning how to be an ally to other lesbians, since i’m a white able-bodied lesbian. It’s enjoyment and self care for myself, but it’s also a great way to learn without demanding any women in my life sit down and teach me. I can take my own time to squirrel away with a book and learn. In a world were politics are so immediate, demanding reblogs and endorsements, I think it’s important to take the time to slow down your process and think, learn, engage.
Reading other lesbians also gives me hope and energy, makes me want to write myself.
And since I’m commenting, I’ll throw out a recommendation: Jam on the Vine by LaShonda Katrice Barnett was very good – I’m not usually into historical fiction but I loved it. Tamai Kobayashi’s Prairie Ostrich is also a favourite of mine.
I love this!! I’m always looking for more book recommendations and even more for books/media created by and for lesbians! I have other book recommendations to get through this month (including required work readings) but I definitely want to try this for August!!
Thank you. More lesbians need to be having these important conversations. Femme has become completely void of same-sex attraction, it’s just femininity dressed up in a more “radical” package. Performing femininity in a special or “radical” way subverts absolutely nothing, and slapping femme on it doesn’t legitimate anyone’s unique brand of feminine identity.
“Femmes to me are the lesbians who, while sometimes read as straight, are still fiercely lesbian.”
I’ve always struggled with defining femme-ness and I think this is a great way to do so. People label me as a femme based on, it seems, wearing a dress once or twice, but that completely misses the point.
Thank you so much for this. I went to a very “queer-friendly” college and learning to embrace myself as a lesbian was a very isolating experience. I’m glad that I was still able to succeed and I now proudly call myself a lesbian. Lesbian is not a dirty word.
Oh my god, I love this so much. Thank you for posting. You guys should have a meeting up in LA sometime, build a physical community around your digital one! I would show up 🙂
Gaydar for me is the lingering eye contact when u see each other. I think it may be easier when u present yourself as gay visibly. It’s the look of recognition. Though often mannerisms tell it off though it’s certainly not perfect my professor just mentioned his husband yesterday and I was completely surprised!
I so feel this and I needed to hear someone else saying it! Thanks. I was at Seattle Dyke March this year too and I live in the area. I was happy to see those signs! I’ve been wanting to connect with other local agitators of like minds, if you have time to message me that would be swell.
I went to Lesbian Festivals back in the 80’s and 90’s – my all-time favourite outdoor experiences. Actually, preferred them to Michfest because of the presumed and clearly-stated lesbian-centredness.
omg Faking It is basically all of this. There are pretty much no actual lesbians.The “lesbians” that came out in the show then slept with men. The show does pretty much every stereotype about lesbians (lesbians are faking it (duh), lesbians sleep with dudes, lesbians love gross your threesomes, it’s cool to out lesbians, lesbians are predatory, have they killed off any lesbians yet? I stopped watching because the show makes me sick) It’s even more excruciating because the rest of the GBTs worship the show because of how progressive it is to throw lesbians under the bus for the rest of them. I honestly don’t think I’ve seen a worse show tbh, I’d rather watch a Seth Rogan film. At least he’s upfront about his homophobia.
And many gay, lesbian , and transgender individuals do not identify as queer . In fact, it’s an important question for queerness , too, which is why gay and queer are compatible. It just isn’t the only or central question.
I think gaydar is something everyone’s born with, but that gay people become more attuned to by sheer necessity. Even those of us who say they have bad gaydar still have better gaydar than any straight person. If you suspect someone, I think you’re actually always right (although you can’t know whether they’re bi or gay)! The crappy thing is just that the better your gaydar gets, the more you start noticing all the people who’re going to remain in the closet forever.
Holby City (a British Soap about an NHS Hospital) is doing quite well on this actually. Berena (Bernie Wolfe and Serena Campbell) is very popular in the fandom and while Bernie refuses to label herself, Serena quite proudly proclaims she’s a lesbian. Serena is portrayed as a strong courageous woman who still carries on while Bernie buggers off to Kiev, leaving Serena heartbroken.
She almost kissed her best (male) friend but didn’t in the end because she truly loves Bernie and I have it in good faith that she’ll send her ex-boyfriend packing before he can make a move in her.
And the plot lines (while ridiculous at times) are interesting, and there is a promise Berena won’t end tragically
I LOVE these comics! This is very sweet. I’m sad to hear this about Sunny, but at least she is being looked after by humans who love her & keep her safe. <3
I had to come out to my manager two or three times. Even though I first mentioned having a girlfriend in the context of my Valentine’s Day plans, she still thought I was talking about a gal pal.
Thank you for this post. I keep seeing “femme” pop up everywhere in organizing spaces, and- as an old school femme whose wife is butch- I have found it very confusing. I wondered if I was imagining the appropriation. I appreciate this validation.
Oh my goodness, thank you for writing this. More and more in the past year or so, I have been seeing the word “femme” being appropriated. Often the people who are claiming it for themselves are non-binary or genderqueer. In other words, not only are they not lesbians, they also do not identify as female. So why is it okay for them to claim this word? Why is this seen as progress instead of appropriation? Isn’t it ironic that in this moment when people are becoming more aware of cultural appropriation, this specific appropriation gets a thumbs-up?
I also loathe the phrase “women and femmes.” Thank you for voicing that!
This is all about lesbian erasure, and throwing out lesbian feminist history. Young people see lesbian history as antiquated and inherently transphobic. Even the word “lesbian” seems antiquated to a lot of people. Even the word “woman” seems limiting to a lot of women.
As a 72 year old lesbian I always thought femmes were lesbians who are mostly attracted to butch lesbians for sexual relationships. Clothes and other superficial appearance stuff is mostly irrelevant although femmes enjoy some types of traditional “feminine” decorations occasionally and butches likewise may enjoy some traditional “masculine” attire. But the main defining characteristic is who we are attracted to. For many of us, our appearance does not necessarily identify us as femme except when we make a point of “dressing up.”
I want to do this someday! I don’t have the guts to do it yet but I will…recently I cut my hair very short for the first time since childhood and it felt great. “I look like myself” is exactly how to describe it…even my dad said “You look good. You look like yourself!” It’s a good feeling.
Thanks, Tanis…in these times, your artistic creations depicting our culture are very welcomed…..cartoon it, draw it….takes me back to the 70’s and then, all through the years……..
I’m a closeted lesbian who calls herself “queer” in order not to be stabbed by the scenesters (only sorta half kidding). I fear (and have endured) violence for being who I am by “queers” in the queer “community” because a woman who draws any boundaries and loves exclusively females is demonized and cast from the kingdom for not being “inclusive” with her body, her heart, her soul. So, yes, lesbians are still relevant. We inspire witch hunts. We’re feared. We’re policed. We’re shoved out of our own territory. That would be an awful lot of effort to spend on something that is irrelevant.
Lesbians are more relevant than ever, I think, for the precise reason that misogyny has gotten WORSE over the years, globally. The queer movements were bourne from misogyny, as it seeks to erase female-ness, includes males with heterosexual tendencies, and is obsessed with encroaching on women’s spaces whilst men’s spaces escape unscathed. Even “feminism” is now used interchangeably with “humanism” to accommodate men and baby their precious little egos, lest they feel left out. The status quo is to invade women’s physical, psychological, and emotional space and force her to accommodate, accommodate, accommodate. Therefore a woman who draws the line and exclusively loves women is relevant for the simple reason she defies the status quo. She is the ultimate rebel.
Woah, that was so powerful “the ways that eyes skip over you, the look of acute disgust when you speak, the way you’re crashed into while walking as if you aren’t there at all” relatable and true. amazing article
Thank you so much for articulating the experience so well.
I’m newly out and queer, and in the last six months or so I’ve gone from wearing slightly masc clothes with shoulder length hair to more masculine presenting with an undercut.
I’ve spent the summer home in a suburb in the South, and this article hits the nail on the head with my experiences. My family isn’t externally homophobic, but I no longer feel like I belong here.
I’m stared at in grocery stores, parks, and anywhere else in public when people play the game of “what is this person? Girl? Boy?”
I’ve recently really considered femenizing my apperance after someone yelled “Dyke” from their car at me. I feel like now that I’m more butch presenting, that’s the only thing people will see of me.
This essay has inspired me to keep presenting how I’m comfortable. Thank you Ash, and good luck with everything as well.
“The third type of butch lesbian invisibility is difficult to explain to anyone who isn’t a butch lesbian. It’s a sneaky kind of invisibility, in the ways that eyes skip over you, the look of acute disgust when you speak, the way you’re crashed into while walking as if you aren’t there at all. It’s like the minute you came out, you gave up the opportunity to be seen at all.”
I mean, the phrasing could be different, but I get your point. It’s just that as a muslim lesbian, it’s hard for me to watch both my identities get attacked by both my communities at the same time. I know both the feeling of being thrown out because of my religion, and being thrown out for my sexuality. After that day, when people were quick to say that this was not an attack based on religion, it was to protect people like me and many, many other muslims I know that are completely accepting. Even my homophobic mother strongly believes that they shouldn’t hurt and kill gay people, even if it is wrong. Because that’s what islam is about. No one is allowed to hurt or kill anyone, if not out of defense.
Now, I’m rambling, but in short, it’s not the religion’s fault. Every one of these homophobic religious communities come from religions based on peace and acceptance. What the problem is, is when people use their ‘beliefs’ to further their homophobic acts and justify their hate. No where in the Quran does it say to hate.
I can only hope that the western lgbt community can also fix it’s own racist bias, even when it’s based on misunderstanding.
“it’s not the religion’s fault. Every one of these homophobic religious communities come from religions based on peace and acceptance.”
Unfortunately, the original “peaceful” intention of a religion ceases to matter when MOST of the people who actually practice it use it to uphold homophobic and misogynistic ideals.
And in response to your last point: Islam (much like Christianity) is an entirely man-made concept. Critiquing it will never be akin to racism. My hope is that more people start to question the stuff that they’ve been fed about “higher powers”, “holy books”, and the rest.
The letters of LGBTQ should be separated. This “community” has no respect for Lesbians.
Q is meaningless, and therefore allows straight people in. Bs complain of “biphobia” from Gs and Ls when it is pointed out that they have a privilege over Gs and Ls when they date someone of the opposite sex (not that they don’t have issues, but theirs are not the same as Gs and Ls). They keep adding more letters all the time, and most people don’t even know what they mean, even within the “community”. What a shithole.
We should have our own community of Lesbians, separate from the “queer”. We should be proud of who we are: Lesbians.
My take is that there need to be more places for available lesbians to meet each casually (without the emotional overhead of a date) other in real life.
Yes.
As an elderdyke, this bs feels like 1980s style oppression all over again.
On existing as a lesbian woman:
Then: “Lesbians aren’t real women, ’cause *real* woman sleep with men!”
Now: “What’s your preferred pronoun?” (Implication = you’re certainly not a woman, so I need to ask)
As an older lesbian, the ‘pronoun ask’ feels insulting.
It gives me flashbacks to the days when I was told that lesbians weren’t ‘real women’.
On being lesbian, and that meaning I do not want to sleep with any men.
As a feminist, believing that I own my own body, I have a right to set bodily boundaries, and that I have a right to bodily autonomy.
Then: “How do you *know* you won’t like sleeping with men if you haven’t tried it? If you tried it and had a bad experience, don’t hold that against other men – it’s not Fair to not give them another try!”
Now: “You are a bigot unless you are open to having sex with anyone who ‘identifies as’ a lesbian, including males.
If you haven’t tried it, how do you know that it won’t feel good? You refusing to have sex to them is hurting their feelings!”
I think this is a super interesting survey. I found it really interesting that most women didn’t find their perfect match on the internet, however it wasn’t that surprising. I also can relate to “not having a type.” It’s nice to know we are moving towards an era where we are so open to all different kinds of expression. I really like the premise of your blog, and I think it is very hard to find other quality lesbian/ LGBT content out there.
Personally, I love a good storyline involving a woman with unrequited feelings for a straight girl stalking her obsessively to no avail. Especially if the gaiety of the feelings are themselves portrayed ambiguously and subject to viewer interpretation.
A show failing the first three of these test criteria would only serve to make me consider it a VERY worthwhile investment if my time!
The Handmaiden passes all four tests, as does the upcoming My Days of Mercy and the Battle of the Sexes!!! Woohooo. Buy five tickets, everyone, seriously. Then we’ll get more!
This is all so incredibly inspiring. I love that we lesbians are bodybuilders – strong and powerful; comic writers – creating our own media; and farmers – growing our own food! I often felt there’s a lack of women creating our own spaces and power. You showed me I was wrong. I’m inspired by you as well!
Gracie is healthy, happy and driving me crazy at the moment. She required 3 weeks of thrice daily doses of 3 different antibiotics plus two homeopathic remedies. One year later, she’s doing well. Thanks for asking.
Everlyn rocks! She is a brilliant story teller and there is always a lesson to be learned from her writing, mostly the ones that she has learned or is learning. She invites you to see something new from a different perspective whilst being engaging and drawing you in. I eagerly look forward to the next chapter!
LOVE it. Congratulations to Tanis and Jaime! I’m excited for you both! <3 <3 <3 I look forward to new things you have to share, Tanis. Your comics and words mean a lot to me personally and inspire me to take control of my own life and health issues.
And I really enjoy these interviews, thanks LOE. <3
Known Lilly since she was born. Love her sooo much & reaching out for what she believes in. She is an amazing person with ambitions I KNOW she will achieve. GREAT interview
Thank you very much. This is near and dear to me. I hope the young lesbians who are struggling as part of the queer community can see the truth being told here. Do not let anyone ever put you down or bully you for being exclusively same BIO sex attracted. Find your own kind, find your own way. Then help each other. Community.
People need to gather in affinity groups to grow strong. That includes lesbians. It isn’t about exclusion, it’s about our own cultural development. I think it is very sad that we are infighting about this.
Tanis, I’ve just binge-read all of Feudal Needs… on a Thursday morning, while avoiding work… and wanted to say I love your work. It gives me hope and makes me smile, and feels like I almost know you. Good luck for your new start in Wisconsin.
Thank you so much, that is so sweet of you <3 I love finding new comics to binge-read, it's so satisfying and it's awesome to hear that somebody else is doing that with FN 🙂
Oh gosh Jenny’s wedding was terrible. The level of chemistry between Alexis Bledel and Katherine Heigel was non-existent. They had like three scenes together and it was so stilted and uncomfortable lol
Ahhhhhh, exciting!! I thought wedding-planning was stressful but fun, and would geek out about it for years after. I hope you have a lovely time over the next three months, too.
This was a real lift this morning. Thank you. I have been a proud out lesbian since 1972. The current denigration including verbal and physical violence toward lesbians needs to be stopped. Our visionary work which has grown out of our celebration of lesbian culture needs to continue. It is so good to read here from lesbians of all ages who respect what it means to be a lesbian.
Lesbians are seeing through the games men play to keep us isolated from one another.
I went to a small cross generational lesbian conference last year. It’s purpose is to facilitate lesbians making friends across generational lines.
It was awesome to be in a room full of lesbians aged 22-80…yet, to maintain the group as lesbian only, the organizers had to hold it underground, and by invitation only.
That lesbian only conference for lesbians of all ages sounds like an achieved dream. I’d love to attend the next one! Too bad I’m all the way in Europe.. maybe one day.
I feel this…my mom and all my family members I think try to a certain extent, but there always feels like there’s some distinct barrier. So many things I dont say out loud because of that barrier. It’s a strange divide that I’ve gotten used to in a relatively short period of time being out to myself and to them (about 2.5 years). In fact I had kind of “forgotten” about it until reading your words…but its there.
Yes!
Lesbians need this?
We need the connections with each other, and the emotional community of hanging out together – just us!
I also love vacation choices that aren’t boat-centered.
I played this competitively with my girlfriend. I only got 2 points and she got 1. We’re aquainted with the hellsites and yet… lol. (I even hate-read them.)
We’re so sorry you read through these. It was a fun quiz though!
It’s good to get away from the constant device communications clamoring for my attention. Being in a place without cell reception or wifi allowed me to stay present, in the moment, and to connect with and make new friends.
The rural setting felt rejuvinating. I live in a large city, and breathing the unpolluted country air felt like I was getting an ‘air cleanse’???
As someone who flies in, I appreciated getting to sleep inside, on bunk beds , since packing full camping gear would’t have worked.
What mesmerizing writing. I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I loved the tenderness of ““Want to go outside and see if the wind will blow us away?”
Sorry to read and hear about how Lesbianism is erased, and Pride and DYKE march are insulted and taken over by queer and trans ideology. As a lesbian DYKE, I feel insulted, and my fight for rights and space for lesbians are met with hate also from mainstream feminism. But I think as a DYKE from the 1970-80 Women’s Lib Movement, we must reunite our lesbian movement.
Personally…It had been a personal journey to come out proud and be back as an ‘Authentic’ Lesbian all over again after thinking I had to be ‘Straight’ as a born again Believer In Christ & The Bible…Am proud to say Am A Christian and A Lesbian…That I can be both without hesitation and self doubt anymore….Though I have my personal preferences as a lesbian and my own self definition as a softbutch into femmes but that is secondary under the umbrella ‘LESBIAN’
Wow, just wow, Jen. What a beautiful brilliant brave story. You have lived a good life. You have been a pioneer. Lily Taylor in that movie was amazing. And in all her movies and TV. I had no knowledge of her sexual orientation. I guess for me it wasn’t something I would have known about at the time. Or Melissa or Tracey. Guess it all makes sense now, Your coffee shop is an amazing safe space in Oakland and I wish you continued success. I am so glad I got to meet you and hang out that day. You are a special kind of person. Your kindness and gentleness shine through ❤️
Thank you for this elequently written history. I am the very privileged and proud mother of Amy V , Katy, Jennifer and Lisa.
This is a treasure to be saved.
I wish you a lifetime of success and joy.
Thank you so much, Helene and Judy, for your kind comments. This piece was a labor of love and so fun to write. Judy – your daughters are all amazing & talented women. I feel so lucky to have known them. Best wishes to you also!
Forty-one years ago I marched in downtown Kansas City, MO carrying a six foot long homemade LESBIANS UNITE banner. We were a grassroots group protesting the appearance of Anita Bryant and her “Save Our Children” campaign. We lesbians MUST unite. Today our young girls and women are lured into the web of those pushing transgendering as a way to escape the oppression of growing up female in patriarchy. Young people are assured this will challenge the binary. Instead it only reinforces the stereotypes of femininity and masculinity. Honoring and respecting our biological realities and abolishing gender roles will liberate us all!
Hi…I am from Nigeria but I’m based in Dubai, I’m a lesbian stud to be precise….I got to know about Girls in Wonderland from my favorite YouTube couple Chrys and Liana. Please, I would love to visit there someday.
Oh Julieanne, my heart goes out to you for your story! What indeed might your life have been like if it had all gone differently? And yet, here you are, still standing, and with three sons as well.
Love this article. Yes, I came out in the early 90s and it was both a great time and a very challenging time. But right now, I see mostly challenges from within and without.
This article needs to be shouted from the rooftops!…
I will forever be a proud lesbian, attracted solely and exclusively to other women and female bodies. I will not be ashamed or apologetic for my love of the female body. My sexuality was set in stone long before it was okay to shame lesbians for being… LESBIANS??
I help run a senior Lesbian group here in Miami at Lambda Living (JCC) free lunch third Wednesday’s of the month and awesome conversations. Some of us have known each other for close to 50 years.
Thanks for this informative article and yes I agree, elder lesbians do not get nearly the recognition or respect that they deserve. I’m so glad you put a focus on these great women and the rich lives they have lived and are still living! They broke down significant barriers for us and they are still living examples of how to age as an out lesbian woman in this society.
I’m wondering why you didn’t use their real names. Wouldn’t they want to be known as out and proud?
As a 60 year old lesbian I am just starting to be old, and it’s good. Always been my ambition to be old, and I love this part of my life. Lesbian feminism made space for me to reject what I was taught growing up (that I’d be ‘a wife and and mother and…’).
I wish you and other young lesbians a good aging. Aging begins imperceptibly, it is part of life that takes over gradually. It’s an accumulation of self and history, and a knowledge that things can’t go back, but can be (sometimes) healed.
This is a breath of fresh air. As a 21 year old lesbian, I cannot even bring myself to approach this topic seriously yet with my friends. Some I’ve mentioned it to have averted the topic. It’s so isolating to belong to a community that doesn’t see you as you are; as you fought to be. I long to meet other lesbians who think like I do. Hold strong, everyone. There are still some of us younger lesbians who see the wrongs against us.
To me staying friends with an ex is not a good idea (if the relationship was serious that is). Staying on good terms – sure. But buddying up with your ex is a trainwreck coming fast.
Poussey deserved better her life was short and yes they did kill a african american who was a lesbian very unfair writing on the shows part but over all I will continue to watch the show and im very upset about the tragic death that was Poussey by a untrained mediocre guard.
You nailed it!
The mainstream message is that lesbian relationships aren’t real. Any romantic connection between lesbians is assumed to be a mere sexual appetizer for sex with a dude.
The worst is when straight women allow themselves to be used by their men as ‘bait’ , to try to con lesbians into their bed.
I’m a lesbian, so I don’t sleep with men – even if there’s another woman in the bed too.
?
Many of us older lesbians are looking for the young lesbians. My lesbian conference named Womonwrites dissolved this year over the inclusive issue. Those of us that insist on WBWLesbain space are creating a new conference. We’ll be having a Writers Weekend in early Dec and will hopefully have a larger one in spring. You are all invited to come onto our mailing list for more information at WBWLConference@ gamil.com.
We may be old but we are still quite active. I haven’t picked up my knitting needles and rocker yet. LOL.
I went and saw this concert on last Friday night. Unbelievable. Your account of the show is spot on. I saw the late show in Seattle and it was so good.
Thank you for your excellent recollection even though cellphones were limited.
Found this site recently and am glad it exists. I used to call myself queer but my eyes are opening to the misogyny and homophobia/lesbophobia in the queer community. I’m finding the strength to call myself what I am: a lesbian. I’m 35. To younger lesbians: with the pressure, coercion and invisibility you face, it’s important for you to know you’re not alone. Know your boundaries and connect with what your heart and mind desire.
Love your blog!! Wotta lotta fun! I must turn you on to Lesbian Connection. It’s got THE list, and please get a hard copy, ok? I tried the digital version & it ain’t the same. They’ve been around for DECADES, hon. From Ambitious Amazons in Michigan If you cant find it, email & ask me. (& I’m including my site cuz maybe I’ll fix it!)
And, find your local lez comedian Dynasty Handbag, so you can guffaw some more!
Thanks for being awesome, LOE!
You’ve had minimal exposure to hellsites. I envy you.”
Hahahaha…. hahahaa…. ha… I got the cosmo one right again… not because I had made fun of the article with my friend this time… but because it sounded exactly like the type of person who would write a cosmo article.
Arghh I cannot believe I read number 3 with my own two eyes!!!!! 5 adult slaves!!!! What on earth!!!! And then I even had the audacity to guess correctly!!!!
I’m a 64 year old Dyke and I volunteer with an organization in Seattle by the name of “Generations Aging with Pride” or “GenPride”. We’re a group dedicated to LGBT seniors in the Greater Seattle area. We’ve been around for about 10 years now, and have been actively focusing on inter-generational gatherings and groups. We believe the history of LGBT seniors needs to be documented for perpetuity, and learned from by the younger members of our community because complacency leads to invisibility. We do not want our history to fade into the distance like so many other things from our past.
While all the efforts of my gay brothers have been greatly appreciated over the years(and historically they’ve always had more money than lesbians), I’m always painfully aware of the regular lack of participation by lesbians. By that I mean women who will actually identify as LESBIAN, and we are always on the lookout for others to join us.
Greetings to the younger generation… and allow me to add that it’s even harder to be a “modern lesbian” these days, as a much older Dyke. For a lot of us, being “cool” takes on a slightly different slant from being cool in the early 2000’s.
To start with, the words “lesbian” and “dyke” were used proudly and not frowned upon as politically incorrect, the butch/femme relationship was common, and the majority of us considered the word “queer” totally unacceptable.
Minus the internet, social media sites, and even the computer at one point, softball games, bar-b-que parties, and the lesbian bars were our only social outlets. This was much simpler- except for the times when the bars were raided by the cops trying to bust butches for dancing with our femmes.
Flip phones weren’t even an option back in the day – the adventure was in trying to find a telephone booth on the nearest street corner- I found this much simpler.
Subarus look nothing like they used to, and “real lesbians” drove trucks.
Being a member of the “Alphabet People” is not simple, and the acronym has been bastardized so much since I was a baby dyke, it’s crazy-making and wears me out.
The insistence by the masses to avoid labels, while using all kinds of labels to self-identify, is not simple. Before any of the labels, we were just… gay.
I’m one of the “crunchy, crusty dykes who dances naked in the words” on my piece of lesbian land, where only lesbians/womyn/girls have resided since 1973, and the coolest things around are the breezes that come floating through the trees on a hot summer day. It is the place where I am gender-less and no one questions my abhorrence at being asked about my pronoun usage- a much simpler way to be in the world.
If there are any womyn out there who want to “find their answer dancing naked in the woods”, and actually spend some time on lesbian land, we are offering a place to visit, where life is much simpler in many ways. You are welcome to join us, camp with us, and find some peace.
Email me- cabbagecanyon@gmail.com
“You keep taking Gender Studies even though the only person you’re hurting is yourself.” It’s like you called me out my name! Honestly, sites like this are the only haven for lesbians like me.
I’m in my mid-20s and all I want in life is to enjoy a community of women who ONLY love women. Unfortunately, that desire is now considered a sin in the acronym community.
At least I found this website, please never stop posting. <3
Oh my god, you don’t even know the relief I’m experiencing right now!! It looks like I’m 2 years late to this article, but still! I get so depressed sometimes just thinking about how alone I am as a lesbian in today’s world of hyper inclusivity and all these bullshit identities. We’ve been blessed to be alive in the time of the internet, but somehow I feel so disconnected from the lesbian community. And it’s really painful sometimes, because I do often find myself wishing that I could’ve just been born maybe 10 years sooner and my whole life and experiences as a lesbian would be so different. I’m so glad I stumbled upon this website. It’s giving me hope, and I really needed that.
I know this is an old post, but this installment really epitomized why I love this comic. The outlook is so hopeful, and every mundane detail of life seems rich and beautiful.
I FEEL SO CALLED OUT!!!! I JUST DROPPED £30 ON NEW JOURNALS THIS WEEK!! ON TOP OF THAT I’VE ALMOST FINISHED THE ONE I’M ON AND IT’S ONLY BEEN 6 MONTHS AHHH.
This is really interesting. When I was coming up as a baby dyke in the 90s, I knew A LOT of butch-butch couples. And many of those butch women are either still together or with other butch women. I think you’re right that it may be regional? You’re totally right on the representation though.
And I’m like you…maybe not considered butch by myself, but next to anyone remotely femme and I definitely stand out. I’m even called “sir” sometimes.
Can relate! I took a femme to a concert once and when I drove her back to her place she stopped before getting out and looked in my eyes (obviously wanting a good night kiss), but I didn’t notice until the next day when it struck me. DERP! She moved back to her home state shortly after that and I never saw her again. :'(
I’m glad you did an article on this, two GNC women together is really taboo even among other lesbians. I don’t label myself butch but most other people would probably categorize me as such, and I like women who look like myself. Most women that look like me unfortunately only seem to be into feminine women. We’re a minority in a minority and it can be tough sometimes
firstly let me say that i am sooo stoked that you’ve finally reviewed this show omfg. and second, i wholeheartedly second and agree with your review. like, i am absolutely glad that lesbians are afforded the same shitty reality tv opportunity as others, but beyond that i was not moved.
watching hayley and brianna’s relationship dynamics stressed me out and at times was triggering, but i truly hope they worked that out behind the scenes. i do hope for a second season and hope to see more dyke rep, (more butches/masc/studs please!!)
have you watched brat loves judy? i really hope for a second season for them! thank you for posting this x
Thanks for sharing this story!! This sounds like a really cool experience. I also struggle with asking for what I want so I especially appreciate your sharing that part too. I’m going to try putting a pinch of salt in my coffee tomorrow (and maybe one day I’ll try an orgy!)
Your event looks SUPERBLY fun and empowering and is a model for similar gatherings all over the place. I am encouraging lesbians in other areas to create similar gatherings near them. Thanks for all that you do for lesbians, even those of us who live on the other end of the US and never meet you!
Thank you so much for this write- up! This is Alison, the founder of Cherry Bomb Weho. It was great to meet you and I look forward to seeing y’all again soon! ❤️
Love this article! It really brought me back o when I was also obsessed with Shego. I feel like you’ve articulated my own feelings that I had but never sat down and though about!
While Carrie is correctly in the #1 spot, I take issue with all the other rankings!! Finley is GROWING and taking ACCOUNTABILITY for her actions, which is something none of the other characters are doing!! Dani straight up ran a Big Pharma corporation and hasn’t once seemed to grapple with the moral implications of that whatsoever! And Sophie hasn’t done anything worse than any of the OGs!! To rank her and Finley below Tina is CRIMINAL
I wonder if qualified professionals might create a project similar to Spielberg’s Shoah Foundation which records interviews with survivors of the Holocaust. It would be wonderful and important to have the stories of older lesbians collected in this manner.
February 10, 2016 at 9:34 am
Looking forward to the interactions! Great page to have, thanks!
February 11, 2016 at 8:26 pm
After reading this I’m like…. BRB gotta go learn everything about collard greens and find a way to love salmon and then secure a loan cos that perfect date aint gonna pay for itself!
Also I hope that female duet comes together because I would love to hear it!
February 12, 2016 at 7:08 pm
Finally!
February 17, 2016 at 6:43 pm
Thank you for this review, Bit! This shades in some of what’s missing between the translation from book to film, nicely. I liked the film, even though I had moments where the power imbalance between them/the semi-quasi-mother-daughter thing creeped me. Fortunately it wasn’t completely that dynamic, there was much more to them than that, but those moments did unsettle me. My favorite thing about how polarizing the film was in my circle has been getting to see things from my friends’ unexpected perspectives. I had such a different take than some of my friends but I’ve appreciated all the values behind our points of disagreement/divergence. It’s been nice just to have something lesbian to discuss. And it’s so awesome to have this site as a place to do that, too!
February 17, 2016 at 6:45 pm
These submissions are heartbreaking. To the anonymous sisters who wrote them: Stick with us! I’m glad you have found a place, even a virtual place like this, where you can be heard. We’re here for you. And it does get better after your teens.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIVSH1rW4Os
February 19, 2016 at 10:48 pm
I knew Dior when we we’re kids. I’ve always had a mad crush on her. She’s always been beautiful to me. She’s the reason I’m so open about who I am.
February 23, 2016 at 3:03 pm
what a cutie!! and smart and funny too wow <3
February 26, 2016 at 1:48 am
Oh my god! I just teared up so hard.
reading old diaries has also been really helpful to me – “re-visioning” I think it’s called.
February 26, 2016 at 4:28 pm
“Re-visioning,” I hadn’t heard that term before, but it makes sense. I have no idea what kind of person I would be without my old notebooks. -B
February 26, 2016 at 11:46 pm
Oh my god. So much of this hits so close to home (especially the parts about being scared of not loving people). Thank you so much for sharing!
March 5, 2016 at 11:21 pm
If you have to ask if Lesbians are still relevant, then the obvious answer is YES. Otherwise, why bring us up at all? Further, to question our relevance is to question our very existence. It’s like wondering if we’ve all died out yet, or decided to identify as something else instead, or perhaps we were never real to begin with. They said, “This discussion will revolve around the erasure of lesbian identity in a heterosexist context.” But I don’t see many heterosexuals trying to convince Lesbians that “sexuality is fluid” and claiming that Lesbians are attracted to “woman-identified people.” That kind of erasure comes from the queer community. Also, Equality Michigan, HRC, and NCLR didn’t publically attack the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival because of heterosexism, or because Lesbians aren’t relevant anymore, they did it because “inclusion.” And it was queer activists who claimed the end of 40 years of Lesbian gathering and culture at Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival as a victory for themselves. How can that be, if Lesbians are irrelevant? This question is just one in a series of many forms of erasure not by a mainstream, heterosexist society, but by the very people and organizations who claim to be our alphabet-soup allies. Yes, we’re relevant. We’re relevant because we exist, as individuals and as a culture. We’re relevant because you wouldn’t need to erase us if we weren’t. We’re relevant because we are a community of strong, powerful, women-loving-women. Lesbian Nation is not going anywhere.
March 6, 2016 at 8:03 am
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story! The part where you were second guessing yourself because you hadn’t slept with a woman yet really hit home for me.
March 6, 2016 at 8:07 am
Lesbians claiming our love for womyn and our communities will always be powerfully relevant.
March 6, 2016 at 8:17 am
I’m so, so happy for you!
March 6, 2016 at 8:36 am
I really enjoyed Carol without reading the source book, but I’m also the type to jump into a tv show mid-season and be fine that there’s explanations and motivations I don’t know about.
What I really loved was that I felt completely comfortable seeing this movie with my mom! (We go to film festivals a lot so we’ve accidentally seen a lot of sex scenes together. Awkward! Now I read reviews first. One cursory glance at the “rated R for something something and a sex scene” and I was like, okay we can get through one!)
My mom was the one that suggested going and afterwards we talked about it for a long time! We both thought that the romance was believable and really enjoyed the plot.
I’m really happy that I got to have that experience!
March 7, 2016 at 5:35 pm
YEEEEES
March 9, 2016 at 7:00 pm
I found this site scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed and clicking a link (I really like this site ALREADY)! I am friends with Be and when I saw her and Aha’s faces on a post of course I have to see what’s up. Looking over the article I find it doesn’t get too personal (and I like that too) and I see some other lesbian celebrity couples I didn’t know about. Hold out hope for truelove (I’m also still looking).
March 10, 2016 at 12:38 am
Hey Steffane,
We’re glad you found us. Hope you’ll stick around for more lesbian content.
– Ashley
March 20, 2016 at 12:50 am
I really enjoyed this article. That video was also really cool. The guy at the end was funny, he had no hesitation.
I kinda wanna ask those questions to my male friends/family and see what they say.
Also I feel you, sometimes I listen to women talk about how they got so drunk that they made out with their female friends in a club and how it was so hot. And it’s really uncomfortable because two women kissing isn’t supposed to be entertainment value at a club.
March 21, 2016 at 11:45 pm
I loved Portia de Rossi’s Unbearable Lightness. I enjoyed it much more than Wasted. Hornbacher’s work is more triggering to me and hits on the sorts of things that people fully committed to recovery shouldn’t be doing. The way she wrote about it was an issue for me. (fellow eating disorder memoir reader here obviously haha. Unbearable Lightness was definitely more relateable as a lesbian. Did you enjoy it more than Wasted?)
Really insightful review!
I relate to being completely surprised that Portia de Rossi of all people felt about her relation to (traditional) feminity and the butch/femme stuff. I’m glad to hear that someone else was interested in that.
If you do read more lesbian memoirs I’m totally excited about reading your reviews on here! I would love to end up on a lesbian memoir kick too.
April 15, 2016 at 2:56 pm
I’m glad you liked the review, Nikki!
I confess it’s been a very long time since I read “Wasted,” so you may be right. I remember liking it because I was a mental-illness-memoir junkie in the 90s, and a lot of that stuff was “Prozac Nation” type fare that glamorized being ill, like– oh, look how beautiful and broken I am, I am just too brilliant for this world, etc, etc, etc. I remember finding Hornbacher’s work brutally refreshing because it did not even pretend to go down that road.
But like I said, it’s been a while. I would probably not re-read it now.
(There will be more memoir reviews, for sure.)
-Bit
March 24, 2016 at 11:40 am
Thank you for this! I really appreciate it. Keep up the great work with your website. Cheers. Liza
March 26, 2016 at 3:31 am
Great interview, both of you. Guess what, Liza, Tanis and I graduated from the very same high school, which neither of us liked, she 42 years after me! Isn’t that amazing!
March 26, 2016 at 6:58 am
Yes, Susan, that is amazing. Small small world.
April 4, 2016 at 12:52 pm
Thanks for this great review! I’m so proud of my best friend in the world Julia Pels. Hilarious. I can’t wait till I can get out there from Chicago to watch the next show. Way to go Killer Unicorns!
April 12, 2016 at 8:06 am
*gets fuzzy feelings while watching Lavender Collective*
…is this what straight people feel like when they watch tv…?
April 15, 2016 at 11:26 am
I love this. <3
April 15, 2016 at 1:24 pm
Here’s some more info I collected on festivals/events:
London Lesbian Film Festival – London, Ontario – April 15-17, 2016
Amazon Music Festival – Fayetteville, AR – April 22-23, 2016
Virginia Women’s Music Festival – near Kent’s Store, VA – May 27-30, 2016
Women Outdoors National Gathering – southern New Hampshire – May 27-30, 2016
National Women’s Music Festival – Middleton, WI – June 30-July 3, 2016
Women in Tune Music Festival – Wales, UK – August 11-15, 2016
Women’s Red Rock Music Festival – Torrey, Utah – August 12-13, 2016
OreGaia Northwest Womyn’s Fest – near Portland, OR – August 18-21,2016
Twin Oaks Women’s Gathering – Louisa, VA – August 19-21, 2016
BoldFest – Vancouver, BC – September 1-4, 2016
Black Lesbians United Retreat – Malibu, CA – September 2-5, 2016
Cinema Systers Film Festival – Paducah, Kentucky – September 9-11, 2016
Sisterspace – Darlington, MD – September 9-11, 2016
Fabulosa – near Yosemite in California – September 13-18, 2016
Ohio Lesbian Festival – near Columbus, OH – September 16-18, 2016
Iowa Women’s Music Festival – not held every year
Word, Rock & Sword – 2016 dates not announced yet
Stargaze Festival – Barrington, NH – September 23-25, 2016
Women’s Week – Provincetown, MA – October 10-16, 2016
California Women’s Music Festival – Modesto, CA – dates unknown
April 15, 2016 at 1:31 pm
Also:
Artemis Camp – north of Los Angeles, CA – May 27-30, 2016
April 15, 2016 at 2:22 pm
If you are into feminist choral music, either to sing or to listen to, I recommend visiting Sister Singers website to see if there is a choir near where you live. You’ll hear a variety of types of music, not just classical, and you’ll often find plenty of lesbians in the choir and the audience. (On a side note, the longest running feminist choir, Anna Crusis Women’s Choir of Philadelphia, PA celebrated 40 years in 2015!)
http://www.sistersingers.net/AlphaChorusList.shtml
April 15, 2016 at 5:18 pm
Here’s three more events:
Where Womyn Gather (spiritual) – N.E. Pennsylvania – June 9-12, 2016
Savanna Moon Music Celebration (drumming) – Stockholm, WI – August 19-21, 2016
Womenfest (party) – Key West, FL – September 7-11, 2016
If you want to keep up with these and other events, a great source of information is Lesbian Connection magazine. From their website: “Lesbian Connection is the free worldwide forum of news, ideas and information for, by and about lesbians. We’ve been publishing this bimonthly magazine since 1974, and we mail issues out via snail mail in plain brown envelopes. (The word “lesbian” doesn’t appear anywhere on the outside.)
This magazine is a grassroots forum, which means it’s truly written by our readers. On our pages you’ll find info for lesbians on places to live and where to travel, lesbian B&Bs and guesthouses, websites, cruises, festivals, conferences, lesbian land and retirement communities, products (books, CDs, DVDs, etc.), campgrounds and retreats, lesbian lawyers and realtors, as well as the comic strip “Dykes to Watch Out For” and much more. There are also reviews, articles and letters dealing with whatever issues LC‘s readers are thinking about, from gay marriage to health issues, relationships and politics.
So, if you’re a lesbian and you’d like to start receiving LC, all you need to do is email us (LC@LConline.org) your full name and complete (snail mail) mailing address and we’ll be happy to add you to our list. (By the way, our mailing list is totally confidential; we will never sell, loan or share it with anyone else.) In case you’re wondering, LC survives on the donations we receive from our readers. However, contributions are voluntary, and subscriptions really are free to all lesbians. Our goal is, quite simply, to connect the lesbian community worldwide.”
April 15, 2016 at 5:24 pm
One more comment and then I promise to let this rest! (Can you tell that I’m not feeling well and trying to distract myself in a positive way?) Depending on where you live, Meetup.com can be useful. When I moved to an unfamiliar city for a while, I was quite successful at forming much of my social life around Meetup events and the women I met there.
April 15, 2016 at 10:03 pm
Haha! The part on concerts cracked me up–definitely accurate. The last Brandi Carlile concert I went to was basically a lesbian meetup. 🙂
April 18, 2016 at 9:46 pm
I really needed this today.
April 23, 2016 at 6:05 pm
I really needed this too!! Deeply.
May 6, 2018 at 7:57 am
Yes!
April 18, 2016 at 10:35 pm
Thank you for this. I am a proud lesbian. I have only been out for 5 years but I love the word lesbian and proudly wear it. You summed up a lot of my feelings regarding “queer”.
April 18, 2016 at 11:03 pm
This. All of this. Exactly.
April 18, 2016 at 11:16 pm
It’s amazing how more “enlightened” and “progressive” sexuality labels all involve leaving room for men. Everyone is so concerned that we leave space for men in our lives.
April 23, 2016 at 6:30 pm
Right. Exactly what you are saying.
May 6, 2018 at 7:58 am
Word.
April 19, 2016 at 1:43 am
Yes, lesbian!!!
April 19, 2016 at 1:44 am
Contented sigh. So needed to read this tonight. Thanks to Bit and Ashley- wherever you are.
April 19, 2016 at 3:48 am
Reading this reaffirms that I’m not the only crazy woman out there who shudders are the word queer. Logically, I know I’m not the only one. But reading someone else’s same thoughts takes a weight off my shoulders.
April 23, 2016 at 6:31 pm
It takes a weight off my shoulder too. I also feel frequently that I am the only one.
April 19, 2016 at 8:23 am
Yes I am a lesbian nothing queer about me I’m also a dyke that is what I came out too and I was proud. At times i have been fed up with society’s crap but that’s cos they think they have my number and most don’t .
April 19, 2016 at 8:29 am
I couldn’t agree more.
Identifying as a lesbian means there is a whole community who I can identify with, we share similar experiences. I stand on the shoulders of others who fought for the right to own the words, dyke, butch, femme, lesbian, but some see these as pejoratives, like the word feminist. I love my sister’s and recognize their struggles even still.
Don’t let the L in LGBT be silent!
April 19, 2016 at 1:38 pm
Two days ago another lesbian told me I was ‘old-fashioned’ because I said I found the word ‘queer’ so inclusive as to be meaningless.
Since I am an older woman, I read this to mean also that ‘lesbian’ is for the old butches, the dykes – not for the young and swinging LGBTQI crowd…
I’m a lesbian and a dyke. I will never be queer.
October 11, 2016 at 11:02 pm
I’m 27 and I’m not “queer” either. Instead I’m a lesbian. It baffles me that it’s considered old-fashioned to be a lesbian. Talk about a mindscrew.
I should email this to my friend because she is another lesbian who calls herself a lesbian.
May 6, 2018 at 8:08 am
Yes, the patriarchy wants to convince us that lesbians under age 35 don’t exist.
I call BS.
Not evey woman is ‘fluid’ and ‘open’.
Sexual orientation is about desire, not duty of obligation.
Some women only desire sex with other women. We are not obligated to have sex with men, be open to sex eith men, or to consider sex with men.
We.are.Lesbians.
April 19, 2016 at 5:33 pm
I am Lesbian, not queer, sis something, or bi. Thank you for this post.. I like butch Lesbians as well as fem Lesbians. I don’t like others naming who I am. Thank you again.
April 19, 2016 at 7:06 pm
Thank you. I never say queer, I always say lesbian. It sounds much more powerful than queer. Great article.
April 20, 2016 at 5:40 am
My first badge was “Lesbians Ignite” and we do!!!
April 20, 2016 at 11:57 pm
We need to free the L
April 24, 2016 at 10:06 pm
That was excitingly fantastic! I am going to share this on my Facebook wall and wait for you the whining. This is amazing! I am a proud lesbian who also calls herself a dyke! Thank you so so much for writing this!
May 3, 2016 at 1:12 pm
I just snagged tickets to see them in September! I haven’t seen them in a couple years either and I’m more than ready.
May 9, 2016 at 1:22 am
I could not love this more. I can’t stand the word q*eer or all the identity politics the “q*eer community” is inundated with.
May 28, 2016 at 12:11 am
Thank you! I do so relate! Check out the group I started just for the reasons stated above! https://www.facebook.com/groups/315452538645114/
May 28, 2016 at 8:21 pm
This resonated so deeply with me. Thank you, Jules. I know and empathize with this situation, with family and so-called friends alike.
May 28, 2016 at 8:38 pm
Note that gay men are never hassled for being gay. Indeed, gay men love to celebrate how repulsed they are by women, in the most misogynist and hateful ways possible. Sadly, many straight and even bisexual women join in the near universal hate-fest that is misogyny.
Gay men and straight men, I’ve found, differ only in how they express their misogyny. Straight men hate women, and they want to express their contempt sexually. Gay men hate women, and they DON’T want to use their contempt sexually. Instead, they express their contempt by expressing disgust towards women’s primary and secondary sex characteristics. It is not a coincidence that gay men run the fashion and beauty industry.
Meanwhile, gay bars are filled with gay men, straight women who endure their “teasing”, and a few opportunistic straight doods who not only prey on the much-abused het girl BFFs of gay boys, but also try to hit on those of us who’d sooner castrate them than let them buy us a drink.
Us? I think I just meant myself, at least in this town.
July 2, 2017 at 11:05 am
^ THANK YOU, Killjoy. Your words are like a soothing balm to my soul. I’m completely alone in my town for my urge to castrate, too. It is out of a foolish and futile love for humanity that I haven’t yet grabbed a handfull, twisted, and pulled. Lucky them.
I’m a Drag King on the gay bar scene and the air is ripe with misogyny from gay men, which everyone just ignores or says is “a joke.” I’ve been molested more on the scene by gay men than by the str8 doods, which is REALLY saying something. Also, the drag queens get called she/her/ma’am but the Drag Kings get called she/her/miss when that’s obviously not what we’re trying to portray. There’s also this assumption that every Drag King is actually a wanna-be transgender man, which is even more lesbian erasure, and that opens the flood gates for gay men to try and f*** us. And while I perform for the Women in the gay bar (hey gurl hey), the gay guys think the entire show is just for them and come crotch-grab me every second chance they get. I’m not sure how we got to this point.
…and yes I do think those gay men get turned on by groping the dirty sock I stick down my drawers, exemplifying the level of intelligence for all men across the board.
June 3, 2016 at 9:43 pm
I love this. Your drawing is charming and so is your story. Looking forward to the next installment.
cheers. Liza
June 4, 2016 at 2:40 pm
thank you Liza!
June 4, 2016 at 1:29 am
This is so wonderful, Tanibutt!
June 4, 2016 at 2:40 pm
thanks Amber <3 <3 <3
June 4, 2016 at 12:51 pm
Niceeeeee…..
June 4, 2016 at 2:40 pm
What a beautiful thing to focus on.
June 4, 2016 at 9:06 pm
Love this! I felt like I was in Florida. 🙂
June 6, 2016 at 12:40 am
I am so excited for this. <3
June 8, 2016 at 7:44 pm
Have you watched Season 2 of F to 7th? The entire thing is about Ingrid trying to be straight, including a really gross pegging scene with a man and a disturbing conversation with a young girl telling her that her that she isn’t really gay and should go on a date with a boy… it was seriously just painful and not entertaining lesbian media.
But what is *WAY* more horrifying in Season 2 is the use of molestation as a comedic plot device. The episode titled “oh d*ddy” was made in extremely bad taste, building up to lines that I guess are supposed to be funny (!!!????!!!) of the father telling Ingrid “honey, I wish I had molested you” and more bullshit that I really can’t stomach typing out. So fucking not ok, so fucking triggering.
June 8, 2016 at 10:45 pm
Hi. Thanks for reading the article and voicing your concerns. I saw the 2nd season when it came out two years ago and had forgotten a good portion of the plot by the time I wrote this. Your comment led me to do a quick rewatch of some of the clips.
I agree that the “oh daddy” episode was incredibly inappropriate and it missed the mark in its attempt to make light of a very serious issue so I have edited this post to include trigger warnings about that as well as the male nudity in episode 3.
However, I think that one of the main points of the season was to portray a lesbian with staggering levels of internalized homophobia as she worked through her issues in an uncomfortable and somewhat humorous way. Throughout the show, it is painfully clear that she is in no way attracted to men. Hence the awkward date and fully-clothed “sex” with a man who she dumped right afterwards.
I hope you enjoyed the four other shows that were listed. Thanks again for reading.
-Ashley
June 14, 2016 at 8:13 am
This is really adorable and I’m really looking forward to more. xoxo
June 15, 2016 at 9:13 pm
15% dogs is too true!
June 16, 2016 at 2:59 pm
That was so cuuuute! I don’t know what it is about lesbians and the wobble. I have so many memories of it.
June 16, 2016 at 3:00 pm
this sounds so great! 15% dogs!!!!
June 18, 2016 at 6:14 am
This is really lovely. I love the soft slow-moving atmosphere of it and the colours you use. It feels like memories, like seeing into someone’s mind. I’m looking forward to more of these.
June 19, 2016 at 1:23 pm
That is so nice, thank you <3
June 19, 2016 at 1:22 pm
This is gorgeous <3
June 19, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Thank you, Tanis <3
June 20, 2016 at 6:54 pm
this is incredible! particularly the moment when (and the manner how) you came out to your parents. <3
July 4, 2016 at 11:45 pm
Thank you so much, Mary. <3
June 23, 2016 at 2:18 pm
In full agreement. Horrible plot line and not fair at all. Ugh.
June 26, 2016 at 5:05 pm
Yep.
I agree with folks who call OITNB ‘trauma porn for white folks’.
I don’t watch.
June 27, 2016 at 7:47 am
“Lesbians on TV are never allowed to stay happy for too long.”
June 30, 2016 at 11:41 am
I love this idea–I’ve done woman-only literary consumption, but never lesbian-only. Maybe I’ll do this for July! I’m currently reading Octavia Butler and Desert of the Heart, so I’m off to a good start. Lesbian romance novels make the best beach reads anyway 😉
July 4, 2016 at 10:52 pm
That sounds like a beautiful July! Women-only has the plus of being a lot simpler (since you usually only need to check the name).
June 30, 2016 at 11:48 am
” what would be more groundbreaking are black characters and lesbian characters who actually get to be happy without subsequently getting killed off.” This, seriously. I can’t believe they killed the black lesbian character, and (afaik) the only character on the show portrayed by a black lesbian actress. Callous, shameful writing from OITNB. I won’t be watching anymore.
June 30, 2016 at 12:53 pm
yes, I also love this. i’m currently reading Katherine Forrest novels. <3
July 4, 2016 at 10:54 pm
Love her! I have Daughters of an Amber Noon on hold at my library right now. I still need to check out her mystery novels.
July 1, 2016 at 11:09 am
That sounds so amazing. I would love to be a part of something like that.
July 2, 2016 at 8:13 am
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
July 5, 2016 at 9:14 am
I love and agree heavily with this post! For me especially, reading and going to readings has become an important part of learning how to be an ally to other lesbians, since i’m a white able-bodied lesbian. It’s enjoyment and self care for myself, but it’s also a great way to learn without demanding any women in my life sit down and teach me. I can take my own time to squirrel away with a book and learn. In a world were politics are so immediate, demanding reblogs and endorsements, I think it’s important to take the time to slow down your process and think, learn, engage.
Reading other lesbians also gives me hope and energy, makes me want to write myself.
And since I’m commenting, I’ll throw out a recommendation: Jam on the Vine by LaShonda Katrice Barnett was very good – I’m not usually into historical fiction but I loved it. Tamai Kobayashi’s Prairie Ostrich is also a favourite of mine.
July 5, 2016 at 3:12 pm
I love this so much <3
July 6, 2016 at 12:43 pm
Don’t stop speaking out. You are doing the good work.
July 12, 2016 at 5:22 am
I love this!! I’m always looking for more book recommendations and even more for books/media created by and for lesbians! I have other book recommendations to get through this month (including required work readings) but I definitely want to try this for August!!
July 13, 2016 at 9:46 am
It’s hard to find educated people on this topic, however you sound like you understand what you’re talking about! Thanks
July 14, 2016 at 10:55 am
I love love love this ❤️
July 15, 2016 at 11:22 am
thank you all <3 <3 <3 we should all go camping together just sayin'
July 22, 2016 at 9:32 am
Thank you. More lesbians need to be having these important conversations. Femme has become completely void of same-sex attraction, it’s just femininity dressed up in a more “radical” package. Performing femininity in a special or “radical” way subverts absolutely nothing, and slapping femme on it doesn’t legitimate anyone’s unique brand of feminine identity.
July 22, 2016 at 7:00 pm
“Femmes to me are the lesbians who, while sometimes read as straight, are still fiercely lesbian.”
I’ve always struggled with defining femme-ness and I think this is a great way to do so. People label me as a femme based on, it seems, wearing a dress once or twice, but that completely misses the point.
January 25, 2018 at 12:21 am
I agree; this is such an apt articulation
July 23, 2016 at 11:39 am
Thank you so much for this. I went to a very “queer-friendly” college and learning to embrace myself as a lesbian was a very isolating experience. I’m glad that I was still able to succeed and I now proudly call myself a lesbian. Lesbian is not a dirty word.
July 29, 2016 at 12:53 pm
Happy lesbians together. I love this.
August 5, 2016 at 4:32 am
YIKES.
August 7, 2016 at 11:55 pm
I’m sad that I not only guessed 3/5 right, but that any of those sites could have produced those screenshots.
August 12, 2016 at 9:24 am
????
August 12, 2016 at 9:58 am
This is the deep lez-est thing I have ever seen. <3
August 12, 2016 at 10:23 am
This is so unbelievably cute.
August 12, 2016 at 12:38 pm
This comic continues to be perfect. <3
August 13, 2016 at 3:34 pm
This was so good!!! Just watched the first episode!
August 18, 2016 at 3:06 pm
Oh my god, I love this so much. Thank you for posting. You guys should have a meeting up in LA sometime, build a physical community around your digital one! I would show up 🙂
August 24, 2016 at 5:18 pm
Thank you.
August 25, 2016 at 6:37 am
⚢ ⚢ ⚢ ⚢ ⚢ ⚢ ⚢ for ever
August 25, 2016 at 7:41 am
I agree with my whole heart. Why call it a Dyke March if it isn’t?
August 28, 2016 at 11:11 am
I love this series so much <3
September 9, 2016 at 5:33 pm
Thanks so much <3
September 2, 2016 at 12:53 am
This is really cute. Gotta say, I look forward to Feudal Nerds and always enjoy them. Thanks for the work you put into it.
September 9, 2016 at 5:33 pm
Thank you, I really appreciate that <3
September 5, 2016 at 6:53 pm
Had the best time! Can’t wait until 2017!
September 11, 2016 at 4:47 am
This is so wonderful it makes me cry :’) I love this series.
September 18, 2016 at 9:01 pm
:,) thank you!
September 14, 2016 at 4:35 pm
Gaydar for me is the lingering eye contact when u see each other. I think it may be easier when u present yourself as gay visibly. It’s the look of recognition. Though often mannerisms tell it off though it’s certainly not perfect my professor just mentioned his husband yesterday and I was completely surprised!
September 16, 2016 at 3:25 pm
Cute as always
September 21, 2016 at 8:35 pm
FYI I think you can get a free trial subscription to seeso with promo code takemywife. Happy watching!
September 24, 2016 at 4:36 am
Hope to see you there.
September 24, 2016 at 11:19 am
YES!!! It was my first time at OLF too. It was wonderful. Thanks for your comics. I love them.
September 28, 2016 at 6:39 am
Thank you 🙂
September 25, 2016 at 2:00 am
I so feel this and I needed to hear someone else saying it! Thanks. I was at Seattle Dyke March this year too and I live in the area. I was happy to see those signs! I’ve been wanting to connect with other local agitators of like minds, if you have time to message me that would be swell.
September 27, 2016 at 9:51 am
I went to Lesbian Festivals back in the 80’s and 90’s – my all-time favourite outdoor experiences. Actually, preferred them to Michfest because of the presumed and clearly-stated lesbian-centredness.
September 28, 2016 at 6:39 am
It’s the best outdoors time! I like the stated lesbian-centeredness too.
October 3, 2016 at 6:19 pm
omg Faking It is basically all of this. There are pretty much no actual lesbians.The “lesbians” that came out in the show then slept with men. The show does pretty much every stereotype about lesbians (lesbians are faking it (duh), lesbians sleep with dudes, lesbians love gross your threesomes, it’s cool to out lesbians, lesbians are predatory, have they killed off any lesbians yet? I stopped watching because the show makes me sick) It’s even more excruciating because the rest of the GBTs worship the show because of how progressive it is to throw lesbians under the bus for the rest of them. I honestly don’t think I’ve seen a worse show tbh, I’d rather watch a Seth Rogan film. At least he’s upfront about his homophobia.
October 7, 2016 at 1:52 am
And many gay, lesbian , and transgender individuals do not identify as queer . In fact, it’s an important question for queerness , too, which is why gay and queer are compatible. It just isn’t the only or central question.
October 9, 2016 at 6:13 pm
I think gaydar is something everyone’s born with, but that gay people become more attuned to by sheer necessity. Even those of us who say they have bad gaydar still have better gaydar than any straight person. If you suspect someone, I think you’re actually always right (although you can’t know whether they’re bi or gay)! The crappy thing is just that the better your gaydar gets, the more you start noticing all the people who’re going to remain in the closet forever.
November 5, 2016 at 9:59 am
I can tell if they’re bi or gay.
October 15, 2016 at 5:12 am
Holby City (a British Soap about an NHS Hospital) is doing quite well on this actually. Berena (Bernie Wolfe and Serena Campbell) is very popular in the fandom and while Bernie refuses to label herself, Serena quite proudly proclaims she’s a lesbian. Serena is portrayed as a strong courageous woman who still carries on while Bernie buggers off to Kiev, leaving Serena heartbroken.
She almost kissed her best (male) friend but didn’t in the end because she truly loves Bernie and I have it in good faith that she’ll send her ex-boyfriend packing before he can make a move in her.
And the plot lines (while ridiculous at times) are interesting, and there is a promise Berena won’t end tragically
November 5, 2016 at 11:40 pm
I LOVE these comics! This is very sweet. I’m sad to hear this about Sunny, but at least she is being looked after by humans who love her & keep her safe. <3
December 20, 2016 at 4:26 pm
Thank you 🙂 we’re glad that she’s here with us <3
November 6, 2016 at 9:05 pm
I had a foster cat for a few weeks who did these things too! I’m surprised the org she was with didn’t mention dementia as a possibility.
December 20, 2016 at 4:27 pm
I hadn’t ever heard of it before, maybe it’s not that well known!
December 3, 2016 at 11:47 am
Cooking for the week ahead is a damnably efficient idea. Maybe one day I will ascend to those heights of adulthood?
December 3, 2016 at 11:52 am
I had to come out to my manager two or three times. Even though I first mentioned having a girlfriend in the context of my Valentine’s Day plans, she still thought I was talking about a gal pal.
December 17, 2016 at 4:46 pm
This is so important.
December 21, 2016 at 9:05 am
Thank you for this post. I keep seeing “femme” pop up everywhere in organizing spaces, and- as an old school femme whose wife is butch- I have found it very confusing. I wondered if I was imagining the appropriation. I appreciate this validation.
December 23, 2016 at 12:13 pm
I really want to support Wild Side West more often. I just wish they were a little closer to public transit.
March 10, 2017 at 12:31 am
Coupled up or not,
There needs to be a restaurant for dressier lesbians to show off as well as socializ
December 23, 2016 at 1:11 pm
<3 the last panel. Also smart innovation re: tree stand.
January 13, 2017 at 8:08 am
Oh my goodness, thank you for writing this. More and more in the past year or so, I have been seeing the word “femme” being appropriated. Often the people who are claiming it for themselves are non-binary or genderqueer. In other words, not only are they not lesbians, they also do not identify as female. So why is it okay for them to claim this word? Why is this seen as progress instead of appropriation? Isn’t it ironic that in this moment when people are becoming more aware of cultural appropriation, this specific appropriation gets a thumbs-up?
I also loathe the phrase “women and femmes.” Thank you for voicing that!
This is all about lesbian erasure, and throwing out lesbian feminist history. Young people see lesbian history as antiquated and inherently transphobic. Even the word “lesbian” seems antiquated to a lot of people. Even the word “woman” seems limiting to a lot of women.
January 13, 2017 at 7:12 pm
Still loving these!
January 26, 2017 at 2:43 am
As a 72 year old lesbian I always thought femmes were lesbians who are mostly attracted to butch lesbians for sexual relationships. Clothes and other superficial appearance stuff is mostly irrelevant although femmes enjoy some types of traditional “feminine” decorations occasionally and butches likewise may enjoy some traditional “masculine” attire. But the main defining characteristic is who we are attracted to. For many of us, our appearance does not necessarily identify us as femme except when we make a point of “dressing up.”
February 1, 2017 at 4:49 pm
Sounds amazing tbh, wish this existed where I live!
February 1, 2017 at 4:52 pm
This is exactly it. Gonna send a link to this poem next time someone asks why lesbian spaces are so important to me.
February 1, 2017 at 5:03 pm
This was sweet.
February 9, 2017 at 4:03 pm
Happy anniversary!
March 17, 2017 at 11:38 am
I thought your comic couldn’t get cuter, then you added the cat! How dare you ?
April 1, 2017 at 7:42 am
I want to do this someday! I don’t have the guts to do it yet but I will…recently I cut my hair very short for the first time since childhood and it felt great. “I look like myself” is exactly how to describe it…even my dad said “You look good. You look like yourself!” It’s a good feeling.
I loooove these comics!!!
April 1, 2017 at 11:21 am
LOL April Fools! Poor, poor Mara. I love this site <3
April 3, 2017 at 9:29 am
This might be fake news but it’s still so TRUE. It’s seriously hard out there for a lesbian who’s allergic to cats!
April 26, 2017 at 9:15 am
Awesome wimmin
April 26, 2017 at 1:30 pm
Awesome lesbians, awesome post B)
April 26, 2017 at 9:48 pm
<3
April 28, 2017 at 10:05 pm
Wonderful post. Wonderful women. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
May 26, 2017 at 4:31 am
I’m so glad you went and that you drew this.
Alix loved having you there, by the way. She told me so.
May 29, 2017 at 8:24 am
Thanks, Tanis…in these times, your artistic creations depicting our culture are very welcomed…..cartoon it, draw it….takes me back to the 70’s and then, all through the years……..
May 30, 2017 at 9:59 am
This is one of the most inspiring things I have ever read!
June 4, 2017 at 12:17 pm
Glad you’re continuing! I think it’s lovely, I look forward to more. xoxo
June 5, 2017 at 7:12 pm
LOVE IT! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
June 15, 2017 at 8:28 am
How Did I not hear about this? Emailing for next years invite.
June 17, 2017 at 6:30 pm
Agreed! Thank you so much.
July 2, 2017 at 7:38 pm
I’m a closeted lesbian who calls herself “queer” in order not to be stabbed by the scenesters (only sorta half kidding). I fear (and have endured) violence for being who I am by “queers” in the queer “community” because a woman who draws any boundaries and loves exclusively females is demonized and cast from the kingdom for not being “inclusive” with her body, her heart, her soul. So, yes, lesbians are still relevant. We inspire witch hunts. We’re feared. We’re policed. We’re shoved out of our own territory. That would be an awful lot of effort to spend on something that is irrelevant.
Lesbians are more relevant than ever, I think, for the precise reason that misogyny has gotten WORSE over the years, globally. The queer movements were bourne from misogyny, as it seeks to erase female-ness, includes males with heterosexual tendencies, and is obsessed with encroaching on women’s spaces whilst men’s spaces escape unscathed. Even “feminism” is now used interchangeably with “humanism” to accommodate men and baby their precious little egos, lest they feel left out. The status quo is to invade women’s physical, psychological, and emotional space and force her to accommodate, accommodate, accommodate. Therefore a woman who draws the line and exclusively loves women is relevant for the simple reason she defies the status quo. She is the ultimate rebel.
And to that I say you go girl.
July 25, 2017 at 7:29 pm
This was an amazing event, and was life changing for several of us.
Thank you Ashley.
July 25, 2017 at 7:37 pm
So we’ll put.
Yes. I am a lesbian.
July 25, 2017 at 7:45 pm
Yes, we are relevant…to the most important folks in our lives – one another!
July 25, 2017 at 8:11 pm
Lol!!!?
July 25, 2017 at 8:16 pm
Ashley, wow. That’s a powerful t-shirt message. Well done!!!
July 26, 2017 at 6:01 pm
You met my favorite comedian?!?!?! I’m jealousssssss
August 3, 2017 at 10:23 pm
Woah, that was so powerful “the ways that eyes skip over you, the look of acute disgust when you speak, the way you’re crashed into while walking as if you aren’t there at all” relatable and true. amazing article
August 20, 2017 at 7:23 am
Thank you so much for articulating the experience so well.
I’m newly out and queer, and in the last six months or so I’ve gone from wearing slightly masc clothes with shoulder length hair to more masculine presenting with an undercut.
I’ve spent the summer home in a suburb in the South, and this article hits the nail on the head with my experiences. My family isn’t externally homophobic, but I no longer feel like I belong here.
I’m stared at in grocery stores, parks, and anywhere else in public when people play the game of “what is this person? Girl? Boy?”
I’ve recently really considered femenizing my apperance after someone yelled “Dyke” from their car at me. I feel like now that I’m more butch presenting, that’s the only thing people will see of me.
This essay has inspired me to keep presenting how I’m comfortable. Thank you Ash, and good luck with everything as well.
August 21, 2017 at 8:44 pm
“The third type of butch lesbian invisibility is difficult to explain to anyone who isn’t a butch lesbian. It’s a sneaky kind of invisibility, in the ways that eyes skip over you, the look of acute disgust when you speak, the way you’re crashed into while walking as if you aren’t there at all. It’s like the minute you came out, you gave up the opportunity to be seen at all.”
This is so fucking relatable! Thank you.
August 22, 2017 at 9:26 am
Hope to meet the dogs next time I am in your area. This is a great story of Dayton.
August 28, 2017 at 11:07 am
I mean, the phrasing could be different, but I get your point. It’s just that as a muslim lesbian, it’s hard for me to watch both my identities get attacked by both my communities at the same time. I know both the feeling of being thrown out because of my religion, and being thrown out for my sexuality. After that day, when people were quick to say that this was not an attack based on religion, it was to protect people like me and many, many other muslims I know that are completely accepting. Even my homophobic mother strongly believes that they shouldn’t hurt and kill gay people, even if it is wrong. Because that’s what islam is about. No one is allowed to hurt or kill anyone, if not out of defense.
Now, I’m rambling, but in short, it’s not the religion’s fault. Every one of these homophobic religious communities come from religions based on peace and acceptance. What the problem is, is when people use their ‘beliefs’ to further their homophobic acts and justify their hate. No where in the Quran does it say to hate.
I can only hope that the western lgbt community can also fix it’s own racist bias, even when it’s based on misunderstanding.
August 29, 2017 at 11:25 pm
“it’s not the religion’s fault. Every one of these homophobic religious communities come from religions based on peace and acceptance.”
Unfortunately, the original “peaceful” intention of a religion ceases to matter when MOST of the people who actually practice it use it to uphold homophobic and misogynistic ideals.
And in response to your last point: Islam (much like Christianity) is an entirely man-made concept. Critiquing it will never be akin to racism. My hope is that more people start to question the stuff that they’ve been fed about “higher powers”, “holy books”, and the rest.
– Ashley
August 30, 2017 at 5:35 pm
The letters of LGBTQ should be separated. This “community” has no respect for Lesbians.
Q is meaningless, and therefore allows straight people in. Bs complain of “biphobia” from Gs and Ls when it is pointed out that they have a privilege over Gs and Ls when they date someone of the opposite sex (not that they don’t have issues, but theirs are not the same as Gs and Ls). They keep adding more letters all the time, and most people don’t even know what they mean, even within the “community”. What a shithole.
We should have our own community of Lesbians, separate from the “queer”. We should be proud of who we are: Lesbians.
May 6, 2018 at 9:38 am
Yes!
September 2, 2017 at 9:26 am
My take is that there need to be more places for available lesbians to meet each casually (without the emotional overhead of a date) other in real life.
September 2, 2017 at 10:24 am
Yes.
As an elderdyke, this bs feels like 1980s style oppression all over again.
On existing as a lesbian woman:
Then: “Lesbians aren’t real women, ’cause *real* woman sleep with men!”
Now: “What’s your preferred pronoun?” (Implication = you’re certainly not a woman, so I need to ask)
As an older lesbian, the ‘pronoun ask’ feels insulting.
It gives me flashbacks to the days when I was told that lesbians weren’t ‘real women’.
On being lesbian, and that meaning I do not want to sleep with any men.
As a feminist, believing that I own my own body, I have a right to set bodily boundaries, and that I have a right to bodily autonomy.
Then: “How do you *know* you won’t like sleeping with men if you haven’t tried it? If you tried it and had a bad experience, don’t hold that against other men – it’s not Fair to not give them another try!”
Now: “You are a bigot unless you are open to having sex with anyone who ‘identifies as’ a lesbian, including males.
If you haven’t tried it, how do you know that it won’t feel good? You refusing to have sex to them is hurting their feelings!”
September 2, 2017 at 1:18 pm
lol! perfect!
September 4, 2017 at 6:55 pm
Happy Birthday, Tanis! This is such a sweet and hopeful message. I love love love your comics. <3 <3 <3 Thank you for sharing! LOE is the best!!
October 23, 2017 at 4:03 am
Thank you so much M! <3 <3 <3
September 11, 2017 at 12:30 pm
So true.
Happy Birthday, Tanis!
I love this comic series and website!
September 12, 2017 at 4:06 pm
I think this is a super interesting survey. I found it really interesting that most women didn’t find their perfect match on the internet, however it wasn’t that surprising. I also can relate to “not having a type.” It’s nice to know we are moving towards an era where we are so open to all different kinds of expression. I really like the premise of your blog, and I think it is very hard to find other quality lesbian/ LGBT content out there.
October 5, 2017 at 4:30 am
Personally, I love a good storyline involving a woman with unrequited feelings for a straight girl stalking her obsessively to no avail. Especially if the gaiety of the feelings are themselves portrayed ambiguously and subject to viewer interpretation.
A show failing the first three of these test criteria would only serve to make me consider it a VERY worthwhile investment if my time!
October 6, 2017 at 4:45 am
This is great! I love this comic. Nice brushstrokes.
October 23, 2017 at 4:01 am
Thanks so much! <3
October 6, 2017 at 4:46 am
I love that you draw butch and andro women in your comics <3
October 6, 2017 at 4:49 am
Hehe, hilarious. Seriously, you folks have way more making out than we do.
October 6, 2017 at 4:52 am
This is…. awesome 0.0. Good idea for a party.
October 6, 2017 at 4:55 am
Amazing! My eyes are opened to how fit we can be …..
October 6, 2017 at 4:58 am
I can’t believe this! This is incredible! I feel so strong as a woman just reading this 😀
October 6, 2017 at 5:01 am
This is really funny. Keep up this feature! Sharing your website with my regular lesbian forums eg LChat <3 I love your lesbian centered website.
October 6, 2017 at 5:09 am
The Handmaiden passes all four tests, as does the upcoming My Days of Mercy and the Battle of the Sexes!!! Woohooo. Buy five tickets, everyone, seriously. Then we’ll get more!
October 6, 2017 at 5:18 am
This is all so incredibly inspiring. I love that we lesbians are bodybuilders – strong and powerful; comic writers – creating our own media; and farmers – growing our own food! I often felt there’s a lack of women creating our own spaces and power. You showed me I was wrong. I’m inspired by you as well!
October 6, 2017 at 5:26 am
If there’s slavery and BDSM, I just know it could be Autostraddle…
October 8, 2017 at 4:53 pm
This is definitely unacceptable!
October 8, 2017 at 4:54 pm
LaCroix & Kombucha are life! My fridge stays stocked (most of the time).
October 23, 2017 at 4:00 am
There’s something about the bubbles!
October 8, 2017 at 4:59 pm
I enjoy your comic a lot! Keep them coming!
October 23, 2017 at 4:02 am
Will do!
October 9, 2017 at 7:13 pm
“Jessica on the other hand experienced three out of the seven stages of grief in approximately four minutes.”
lmao! i just found this website and have been enjoying reading every post. thanks for the work you do for lesbians 🙂
October 11, 2017 at 2:22 pm
You ain’t so wimpy yourself! What a great episode!
October 23, 2017 at 4:01 am
Thanks Marie! <3
October 12, 2017 at 5:54 am
Hahahahahaha….
October 12, 2017 at 5:55 am
Wow! Inspirational.
October 18, 2017 at 11:11 am
Cool Stuff! Congrats!
October 23, 2017 at 6:38 am
How’s Gracie?
October 23, 2017 at 6:51 pm
Gracie is healthy, happy and driving me crazy at the moment. She required 3 weeks of thrice daily doses of 3 different antibiotics plus two homeopathic remedies. One year later, she’s doing well. Thanks for asking.
October 23, 2017 at 7:07 pm
Beautiful <3 xxxx
October 23, 2017 at 8:08 pm
I’m so glad Gracie is still alive and your story touched my heart ❤️ Thanks for sharing
October 30, 2017 at 9:26 pm
Everlyn rocks! She is a brilliant story teller and there is always a lesson to be learned from her writing, mostly the ones that she has learned or is learning. She invites you to see something new from a different perspective whilst being engaging and drawing you in. I eagerly look forward to the next chapter!
October 31, 2017 at 5:28 am
This is great. Thank you. Phranc is a treasure.
November 7, 2017 at 4:02 pm
You’re just in time to go from tropical paradise to winter wonderland. I’m really looking forward to comics about life in Wisconsin!
November 20, 2017 at 11:46 am
LOVE it. Congratulations to Tanis and Jaime! I’m excited for you both! <3 <3 <3 I look forward to new things you have to share, Tanis. Your comics and words mean a lot to me personally and inspire me to take control of my own life and health issues.
And I really enjoy these interviews, thanks LOE. <3
November 21, 2017 at 2:58 pm
Thanks M! That’s such a sweet thing to say, it really means a lot to me <3 I always love the interviews too 🙂
December 10, 2017 at 7:03 am
Known Lilly since she was born. Love her sooo much & reaching out for what she believes in. She is an amazing person with ambitions I KNOW she will achieve. GREAT interview
December 22, 2017 at 12:45 pm
Thank you Karen!! <3
December 20, 2017 at 3:16 pm
So sweet.
Thank you for sharing your story, Janna!
I found details of myself and my partner everywhere.
January 25, 2018 at 4:18 pm
I’m so glad that you enjoyed reading it! 🙂 Thanks for your comment.
December 20, 2017 at 3:21 pm
LOL!!!
December 20, 2017 at 3:34 pm
Thank you, great interview!
December 20, 2017 at 5:02 pm
wowzie!
January 8, 2018 at 7:34 am
So excited for the return of this comic! Really happy for you both <3 😀 Happy New Year!
January 28, 2018 at 10:06 am
Thanks m! <3
January 9, 2018 at 7:12 pm
“most of us don’t have a lot of drama or tragedy going on”…oh my godess, yes. This!
Congrats on your recent move?
January 10, 2018 at 7:53 pm
Thank you very much. This is near and dear to me. I hope the young lesbians who are struggling as part of the queer community can see the truth being told here. Do not let anyone ever put you down or bully you for being exclusively same BIO sex attracted. Find your own kind, find your own way. Then help each other. Community.
January 12, 2018 at 1:38 pm
Love this comic! Happy New Year to you both!
January 28, 2018 at 10:07 am
Thank you, happy new year to you too!
January 20, 2018 at 1:57 pm
Mucho love to you and your family ! ❤️
January 28, 2018 at 10:06 am
Yours too Tena <3
January 24, 2018 at 1:47 pm
People need to gather in affinity groups to grow strong. That includes lesbians. It isn’t about exclusion, it’s about our own cultural development. I think it is very sad that we are infighting about this.
January 24, 2018 at 10:32 pm
I just found this site and holy shit it has been missing from my life and I fucking love this particular articulation. Bless you xx
May 6, 2018 at 9:39 am
Truth!
January 25, 2018 at 1:08 am
Thank you, great interview. I’d love to see more like it please.
January 25, 2018 at 2:50 am
Tanis, I’ve just binge-read all of Feudal Needs… on a Thursday morning, while avoiding work… and wanted to say I love your work. It gives me hope and makes me smile, and feels like I almost know you. Good luck for your new start in Wisconsin.
January 28, 2018 at 10:06 am
Thank you so much, that is so sweet of you <3 I love finding new comics to binge-read, it's so satisfying and it's awesome to hear that somebody else is doing that with FN 🙂
January 25, 2018 at 5:11 pm
ahahahaha
February 2, 2018 at 11:58 pm
Oh gosh Jenny’s wedding was terrible. The level of chemistry between Alexis Bledel and Katherine Heigel was non-existent. They had like three scenes together and it was so stilted and uncomfortable lol
February 4, 2018 at 4:43 pm
I live in the south and sometimes use a bike. I don’t even want to imagine trying to bike through a Wisconsin winter!
February 16, 2018 at 3:28 pm
This is so beautiful <3. My heart is so full …
February 18, 2018 at 2:01 pm
I wasn’t sure I’d watch this show but I think now I will. It sounds nice!
March 7, 2018 at 8:03 pm
Ah, You got me!
March 15, 2018 at 1:01 am
Yay! Spring!
March 17, 2018 at 10:40 am
Hi, I’m 23, and I live in Texas. Thanks for the giveaway entry! 🙂
March 18, 2018 at 12:24 am
Hello! I think the second part of the comic isn’t showing.
Also, I wanted to say thanks for these! They’re adorable and they give me so much hope. And congrats on your engagement!
March 20, 2018 at 1:17 pm
I was actually believing this lol it’s realistic
March 21, 2018 at 4:53 pm
Age: 25
Location: CA
This is awesome!
March 26, 2018 at 8:12 am
Love it!! <3
March 26, 2018 at 8:18 am
Thank you! Master of None – Cheers to Lena Waithe!
March 26, 2018 at 11:55 am
Ahhhhhh, exciting!! I thought wedding-planning was stressful but fun, and would geek out about it for years after. I hope you have a lovely time over the next three months, too.
March 27, 2018 at 10:38 pm
This is wonderful! <333 I'm happy for you both!
April 2, 2018 at 10:02 am
Hi!
I just booked my first flight from LA to Orlando to attend GIW this year.
It’ll be my first time attending and I can’t wait to see what this event will entail!
I would love the opportunity to win tickets in order to be able to get the full experience of this amazing weekend!
?
April 17, 2018 at 5:01 pm
Hi Women,
Please add me to your email list for future trips. Thanks!
April 27, 2018 at 6:55 am
This was a real lift this morning. Thank you. I have been a proud out lesbian since 1972. The current denigration including verbal and physical violence toward lesbians needs to be stopped. Our visionary work which has grown out of our celebration of lesbian culture needs to continue. It is so good to read here from lesbians of all ages who respect what it means to be a lesbian.
May 6, 2018 at 10:00 am
Great point about ‘lesbians of all ages’!
Lesbians are seeing through the games men play to keep us isolated from one another.
I went to a small cross generational lesbian conference last year. It’s purpose is to facilitate lesbians making friends across generational lines.
It was awesome to be in a room full of lesbians aged 22-80…yet, to maintain the group as lesbian only, the organizers had to hold it underground, and by invitation only.
June 25, 2018 at 9:55 am
That lesbian only conference for lesbians of all ages sounds like an achieved dream. I’d love to attend the next one! Too bad I’m all the way in Europe.. maybe one day.
April 27, 2018 at 10:50 pm
I feel this…my mom and all my family members I think try to a certain extent, but there always feels like there’s some distinct barrier. So many things I dont say out loud because of that barrier. It’s a strange divide that I’ve gotten used to in a relatively short period of time being out to myself and to them (about 2.5 years). In fact I had kind of “forgotten” about it until reading your words…but its there.
May 6, 2018 at 6:42 am
Yes!
Lesbians need this?
We need the connections with each other, and the emotional community of hanging out together – just us!
I also love vacation choices that aren’t boat-centered.
May 7, 2018 at 4:45 pm
Very interested in NY or SanFrancisco tours in 2018, and Italy or Hawaii in 2019.?
May 10, 2018 at 8:15 am
Looks like fun. Too bad the LA LGBT center isn’t having their annual “an evening with women” event anymore
May 19, 2018 at 6:52 pm
I played this competitively with my girlfriend. I only got 2 points and she got 1. We’re aquainted with the hellsites and yet… lol. (I even hate-read them.)
We’re so sorry you read through these. It was a fun quiz though!
May 19, 2018 at 7:17 pm
I was sad it wasn’t renewed.
However, watching it I was constantly nervous about how they would handle her character.
At least it had a fairly happy closure!
May 28, 2018 at 12:14 pm
Actualize was great!
It’s good to get away from the constant device communications clamoring for my attention. Being in a place without cell reception or wifi allowed me to stay present, in the moment, and to connect with and make new friends.
The rural setting felt rejuvinating. I live in a large city, and breathing the unpolluted country air felt like I was getting an ‘air cleanse’???
As someone who flies in, I appreciated getting to sleep inside, on bunk beds , since packing full camping gear would’t have worked.
What a fabulous weekend.
Thanks for creating Actualize!
May 28, 2018 at 3:25 pm
omg, “ghosting” stories. hahaha, love it.
May 31, 2018 at 12:25 pm
What mesmerizing writing. I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I loved the tenderness of ““Want to go outside and see if the wind will blow us away?”
June 11, 2018 at 4:01 am
LOVE ‘Amy being a huge lesbian’ – Yes!
June 21, 2018 at 6:17 am
Thank you for this! Lesbians will not be erased and we are here and we are powerful <3
June 25, 2018 at 10:54 am
Sorry to read and hear about how Lesbianism is erased, and Pride and DYKE march are insulted and taken over by queer and trans ideology. As a lesbian DYKE, I feel insulted, and my fight for rights and space for lesbians are met with hate also from mainstream feminism. But I think as a DYKE from the 1970-80 Women’s Lib Movement, we must reunite our lesbian movement.
July 11, 2018 at 3:01 pm
Personally…It had been a personal journey to come out proud and be back as an ‘Authentic’ Lesbian all over again after thinking I had to be ‘Straight’ as a born again Believer In Christ & The Bible…Am proud to say Am A Christian and A Lesbian…That I can be both without hesitation and self doubt anymore….Though I have my personal preferences as a lesbian and my own self definition as a softbutch into femmes but that is secondary under the umbrella ‘LESBIAN’
July 11, 2018 at 8:59 pm
Wow, just wow, Jen. What a beautiful brilliant brave story. You have lived a good life. You have been a pioneer. Lily Taylor in that movie was amazing. And in all her movies and TV. I had no knowledge of her sexual orientation. I guess for me it wasn’t something I would have known about at the time. Or Melissa or Tracey. Guess it all makes sense now, Your coffee shop is an amazing safe space in Oakland and I wish you continued success. I am so glad I got to meet you and hang out that day. You are a special kind of person. Your kindness and gentleness shine through ❤️
July 11, 2018 at 9:01 pm
PS, I forgot to mention, the cherry ? picture, I can’t even!
July 14, 2018 at 12:14 pm
Thank you for this elequently written history. I am the very privileged and proud mother of Amy V , Katy, Jennifer and Lisa.
This is a treasure to be saved.
I wish you a lifetime of success and joy.
July 23, 2018 at 6:03 pm
So happy to have found this!
August 1, 2018 at 10:04 am
Thank you so much, Helene and Judy, for your kind comments. This piece was a labor of love and so fun to write. Judy – your daughters are all amazing & talented women. I feel so lucky to have known them. Best wishes to you also!
August 4, 2018 at 8:05 am
Oh wow 27 films that’s a lot.
And now I wanna watch Julia’s Piece
August 12, 2018 at 9:22 am
Forty-one years ago I marched in downtown Kansas City, MO carrying a six foot long homemade LESBIANS UNITE banner. We were a grassroots group protesting the appearance of Anita Bryant and her “Save Our Children” campaign. We lesbians MUST unite. Today our young girls and women are lured into the web of those pushing transgendering as a way to escape the oppression of growing up female in patriarchy. Young people are assured this will challenge the binary. Instead it only reinforces the stereotypes of femininity and masculinity. Honoring and respecting our biological realities and abolishing gender roles will liberate us all!
September 2, 2018 at 8:53 pm
This article is awesome! Thank you for covering one of our events, Ashley!!! XOXOXO We might be doing something like this again soon. 😉
September 10, 2018 at 8:51 am
This looks like so much fun. Now I’m saddened that I didn’t go
September 16, 2018 at 7:14 am
Hi…I am from Nigeria but I’m based in Dubai, I’m a lesbian stud to be precise….I got to know about Girls in Wonderland from my favorite YouTube couple Chrys and Liana. Please, I would love to visit there someday.
Thanks
September 18, 2018 at 4:39 am
Oh Julieanne, my heart goes out to you for your story! What indeed might your life have been like if it had all gone differently? And yet, here you are, still standing, and with three sons as well.
September 20, 2018 at 5:14 am
amazing story. Thank you for sharing. I hope you stay happy.
September 29, 2018 at 5:06 am
“When it comes to hellsites, you’ve had little to no exposure, and I envy you.”
That last bit made me laugh out loud. And not a little proud 🙂
I HAVE been diligently avoiding hellsites these past few months. Thanks for reminding me how good I have it.
Have a lovely lesbian day 🙂
October 21, 2018 at 4:31 am
Thanks for sharing, you’re a really good writer!
November 3, 2018 at 11:49 am
Awww❤️❤️❤️ So sweet!
November 4, 2018 at 10:47 am
How do I get a “Lesbians don’t owe you shit” shirt? I need it for Pride, it’s so good.
November 19, 2018 at 10:40 pm
Oh my god… and I thought having homophobic parents was the worst that could happen to a fellow homo…. We’re all here for you
December 9, 2018 at 1:14 pm
You’re absolutely correct. Being a lesbian in her prime in 2000 was pretty awesome.
I don’t know how you do it, today.
December 9, 2018 at 2:48 pm
I adore the writing style of this article. Just wanted to pop in and give props 🙂
December 10, 2018 at 2:27 pm
Love this.
December 14, 2018 at 9:49 am
This is sweet and reminds me some of my experiences.
January 7, 2019 at 2:49 am
So refreshing to read – THANK you!
January 16, 2019 at 6:27 pm
Love this!
January 21, 2019 at 10:28 am
I adore this “love lessons from my cat” series
January 25, 2019 at 7:47 am
Love this article. Yes, I came out in the early 90s and it was both a great time and a very challenging time. But right now, I see mostly challenges from within and without.
January 30, 2019 at 7:34 pm
Is there an archive of this?
January 30, 2019 at 11:22 pm
Yes, the archive link is https://leaseboundwebcomic.tumblr.com/post/182389229242/lease-bound-a-dynamic-new-cover-for-my-first?fbclid=IwAR2EiVJ4gjt01o2N3uRShfLvS-u9mF247eflj_kKJsjOtE4XOg38GI3khTM
March 1, 2019 at 8:07 pm
This article needs to be shouted from the rooftops!…
I will forever be a proud lesbian, attracted solely and exclusively to other women and female bodies. I will not be ashamed or apologetic for my love of the female body. My sexuality was set in stone long before it was okay to shame lesbians for being… LESBIANS??
April 5, 2019 at 2:59 pm
I help run a senior Lesbian group here in Miami at Lambda Living (JCC) free lunch third Wednesday’s of the month and awesome conversations. Some of us have known each other for close to 50 years.
April 6, 2019 at 12:31 am
Thanks for this informative article and yes I agree, elder lesbians do not get nearly the recognition or respect that they deserve. I’m so glad you put a focus on these great women and the rich lives they have lived and are still living! They broke down significant barriers for us and they are still living examples of how to age as an out lesbian woman in this society.
April 6, 2019 at 10:39 am
I’m wondering why you didn’t use their real names. Wouldn’t they want to be known as out and proud?
As a 60 year old lesbian I am just starting to be old, and it’s good. Always been my ambition to be old, and I love this part of my life. Lesbian feminism made space for me to reject what I was taught growing up (that I’d be ‘a wife and and mother and…’).
I wish you and other young lesbians a good aging. Aging begins imperceptibly, it is part of life that takes over gradually. It’s an accumulation of self and history, and a knowledge that things can’t go back, but can be (sometimes) healed.
April 6, 2019 at 11:12 am
Thank you thank you! More please – I need their stories!
April 18, 2019 at 9:29 am
Perhaps film them talking about this and put it on YouTube?
April 21, 2019 at 4:40 pm
yesss love this!
April 21, 2019 at 4:42 pm
yeah my experience of lgbt spaces has been similar. the L in particular gets forgotten about.
April 21, 2019 at 5:03 pm
aaaa wish i’d been there!
April 26, 2019 at 7:19 am
This is a breath of fresh air. As a 21 year old lesbian, I cannot even bring myself to approach this topic seriously yet with my friends. Some I’ve mentioned it to have averted the topic. It’s so isolating to belong to a community that doesn’t see you as you are; as you fought to be. I long to meet other lesbians who think like I do. Hold strong, everyone. There are still some of us younger lesbians who see the wrongs against us.
May 30, 2019 at 4:44 pm
Interested in 2020 venue
June 1, 2019 at 6:30 pm
It.Was.Awesome!!!!!!!!!
June 8, 2019 at 7:51 am
To me staying friends with an ex is not a good idea (if the relationship was serious that is). Staying on good terms – sure. But buddying up with your ex is a trainwreck coming fast.
June 8, 2019 at 8:04 am
Nice moviw.
June 16, 2019 at 2:08 am
a wonderfully told story! Congratulations to you two! ♡
June 19, 2019 at 7:01 pm
Poussey deserved better her life was short and yes they did kill a african american who was a lesbian very unfair writing on the shows part but over all I will continue to watch the show and im very upset about the tragic death that was Poussey by a untrained mediocre guard.
June 22, 2019 at 10:53 am
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.”.
Nope, not watching OITNB.
June 22, 2019 at 11:10 am
Ashley,
You nailed it!
The mainstream message is that lesbian relationships aren’t real. Any romantic connection between lesbians is assumed to be a mere sexual appetizer for sex with a dude.
The worst is when straight women allow themselves to be used by their men as ‘bait’ , to try to con lesbians into their bed.
I’m a lesbian, so I don’t sleep with men – even if there’s another woman in the bed too.
?
August 19, 2019 at 9:27 pm
thank you for posting this <3 i love LOE!
August 19, 2019 at 9:30 pm
THIS IS SO TRUE. “i’ve experimented, of course” is like the straight girl version of “no homo”, and it’s said almost compulsively by them to us lmao
September 15, 2019 at 3:00 pm
Many of us older lesbians are looking for the young lesbians. My lesbian conference named Womonwrites dissolved this year over the inclusive issue. Those of us that insist on WBWLesbain space are creating a new conference. We’ll be having a Writers Weekend in early Dec and will hopefully have a larger one in spring. You are all invited to come onto our mailing list for more information at WBWLConference@ gamil.com.
We may be old but we are still quite active. I haven’t picked up my knitting needles and rocker yet. LOL.
October 6, 2019 at 8:30 am
You should seriously write a book collecting their stories! I know I’d buy it.
October 8, 2019 at 12:29 am
I went and saw this concert on last Friday night. Unbelievable. Your account of the show is spot on. I saw the late show in Seattle and it was so good.
Thank you for your excellent recollection even though cellphones were limited.
October 9, 2019 at 4:55 pm
Yes, BMG (Big Mouth Girl) fest was amazing!!!??
October 9, 2019 at 5:42 pm
What a cool idea to have everyone put away their phones and be totally present for the concert!
October 9, 2019 at 7:56 pm
Wow! Great research Ashley!
November 28, 2019 at 6:30 am
My goodness Guest, it sounds like you got your first “toaster oven” (for bringing out Heather) at only age 16!?
November 29, 2019 at 7:43 pm
Highly recommend MFR!!
Nov 23, 2019, 07:03 · Web · 10 · 15”
December 6, 2019 at 12:55 am
Found this site recently and am glad it exists. I used to call myself queer but my eyes are opening to the misogyny and homophobia/lesbophobia in the queer community. I’m finding the strength to call myself what I am: a lesbian. I’m 35. To younger lesbians: with the pressure, coercion and invisibility you face, it’s important for you to know you’re not alone. Know your boundaries and connect with what your heart and mind desire.
December 19, 2019 at 5:07 pm
hahahah ty for this
January 3, 2020 at 10:41 am
Thank you for sharing this wonderful content
January 23, 2020 at 6:03 pm
Love your blog!! Wotta lotta fun! I must turn you on to Lesbian Connection. It’s got THE list, and please get a hard copy, ok? I tried the digital version & it ain’t the same. They’ve been around for DECADES, hon. From Ambitious Amazons in Michigan If you cant find it, email & ask me. (& I’m including my site cuz maybe I’ll fix it!)
And, find your local lez comedian Dynasty Handbag, so you can guffaw some more!
Thanks for being awesome, LOE!
January 25, 2020 at 7:11 am
Oh my goodness, this is hilarious & so true!
?????
February 8, 2020 at 12:16 pm
The Mystical Womxn’s Magic Fest on The Land in Michigan is an amazing event! August 11th–16th.
February 16, 2020 at 9:31 am
i feel like i was there tbh
February 25, 2020 at 9:37 am
This was hilarious
March 31, 2020 at 3:25 pm
touching. you will find a lesbian who loves you for being you. sending virtual hug.
April 26, 2020 at 6:01 pm
Great article! So awesome to see my fellow lesbians living their best lives, out and proud.
April 30, 2020 at 3:58 am
“0/5 Correct answers!
You’ve had minimal exposure to hellsites. I envy you.”
LOL I love this. I’m going to take the previous 13 quizzes now!
“So what did you do during your quarantine?”
???
April 30, 2020 at 4:05 am
“1/5 Correct answers!
You’ve had minimal exposure to hellsites. I envy you.”
Damn if only I could’ve gotten 0! Unfortunately I actually read that cosmo one because my friend and I used to make fun of the articles on there ?
April 30, 2020 at 4:07 am
“0/5 Correct answers!
You’ve had minimal exposure to hellsites. I envy you.”
I can’t believe there are so many hellsites that exist. Every time I thought “I’ve got it this time.” I didn’t have it at all!!
April 30, 2020 at 4:11 am
“1/5 Correct answers!
You’ve had minimal exposure to hellsites. I envy you.”
Hahahaha…. hahahaa…. ha… I got the cosmo one right again… not because I had made fun of the article with my friend this time… but because it sounded exactly like the type of person who would write a cosmo article.
April 30, 2020 at 4:14 am
“3/5 Correct answers!”
Arghh I cannot believe I read number 3 with my own two eyes!!!!! 5 adult slaves!!!! What on earth!!!! And then I even had the audacity to guess correctly!!!!
April 30, 2020 at 4:17 am
“4/5 Correct answers!
You’re in too deep. Go offline for a while.”
I was thinking exactly this as my answers were lighting up green each time…. oh goodness?
April 30, 2020 at 4:20 am
“2/5 Correct answers!”
Oh thank goodness I got 4/5 last time.. I’m still pure of brain after all
May 2, 2020 at 6:38 pm
I love this and all the work you are doing!
May 6, 2020 at 10:46 am
I’m a 64 year old Dyke and I volunteer with an organization in Seattle by the name of “Generations Aging with Pride” or “GenPride”. We’re a group dedicated to LGBT seniors in the Greater Seattle area. We’ve been around for about 10 years now, and have been actively focusing on inter-generational gatherings and groups. We believe the history of LGBT seniors needs to be documented for perpetuity, and learned from by the younger members of our community because complacency leads to invisibility. We do not want our history to fade into the distance like so many other things from our past.
While all the efforts of my gay brothers have been greatly appreciated over the years(and historically they’ve always had more money than lesbians), I’m always painfully aware of the regular lack of participation by lesbians. By that I mean women who will actually identify as LESBIAN, and we are always on the lookout for others to join us.
GenPride can be contacted at “gapseattle.org”-
Thnx for the forum-
Jessi
May 6, 2020 at 2:39 pm
Greetings to the younger generation… and allow me to add that it’s even harder to be a “modern lesbian” these days, as a much older Dyke. For a lot of us, being “cool” takes on a slightly different slant from being cool in the early 2000’s.
To start with, the words “lesbian” and “dyke” were used proudly and not frowned upon as politically incorrect, the butch/femme relationship was common, and the majority of us considered the word “queer” totally unacceptable.
Minus the internet, social media sites, and even the computer at one point, softball games, bar-b-que parties, and the lesbian bars were our only social outlets. This was much simpler- except for the times when the bars were raided by the cops trying to bust butches for dancing with our femmes.
Flip phones weren’t even an option back in the day – the adventure was in trying to find a telephone booth on the nearest street corner- I found this much simpler.
Subarus look nothing like they used to, and “real lesbians” drove trucks.
Being a member of the “Alphabet People” is not simple, and the acronym has been bastardized so much since I was a baby dyke, it’s crazy-making and wears me out.
The insistence by the masses to avoid labels, while using all kinds of labels to self-identify, is not simple. Before any of the labels, we were just… gay.
I’m one of the “crunchy, crusty dykes who dances naked in the words” on my piece of lesbian land, where only lesbians/womyn/girls have resided since 1973, and the coolest things around are the breezes that come floating through the trees on a hot summer day. It is the place where I am gender-less and no one questions my abhorrence at being asked about my pronoun usage- a much simpler way to be in the world.
If there are any womyn out there who want to “find their answer dancing naked in the woods”, and actually spend some time on lesbian land, we are offering a place to visit, where life is much simpler in many ways. You are welcome to join us, camp with us, and find some peace.
Email me- cabbagecanyon@gmail.com
May 8, 2020 at 1:13 pm
woohoo – thank you for this badass collection of lesbians
July 20, 2020 at 9:06 pm
“You keep taking Gender Studies even though the only person you’re hurting is yourself.” It’s like you called me out my name! Honestly, sites like this are the only haven for lesbians like me.
I’m in my mid-20s and all I want in life is to enjoy a community of women who ONLY love women. Unfortunately, that desire is now considered a sin in the acronym community.
At least I found this website, please never stop posting. <3
August 14, 2020 at 7:17 pm
Oh my god, you don’t even know the relief I’m experiencing right now!! It looks like I’m 2 years late to this article, but still! I get so depressed sometimes just thinking about how alone I am as a lesbian in today’s world of hyper inclusivity and all these bullshit identities. We’ve been blessed to be alive in the time of the internet, but somehow I feel so disconnected from the lesbian community. And it’s really painful sometimes, because I do often find myself wishing that I could’ve just been born maybe 10 years sooner and my whole life and experiences as a lesbian would be so different. I’m so glad I stumbled upon this website. It’s giving me hope, and I really needed that.
August 19, 2020 at 4:41 pm
Come visit the “crunchy, crusty lesbians” in the woods. Contact me-
cabbagecanyon@gmail.com
August 20, 2020 at 3:32 pm
I’m bookmarking this one. This is the woman I want to be, full stop—and if it can get me a girlfriend too, added bonus ?
October 26, 2020 at 5:43 pm
Lol! Thanks, gyns.
November 6, 2020 at 2:48 pm
I know this is an old post, but this installment really epitomized why I love this comic. The outlook is so hopeful, and every mundane detail of life seems rich and beautiful.
December 28, 2020 at 9:19 pm
Aw, I’ve missed these! Thanks, Tanis. <3
March 15, 2021 at 5:08 pm
Omg, this played out like a whole (very funny) comedy sketch in my head. Bless.
April 26, 2021 at 10:34 am
The “Mansfields”, hilarious!!!???
May 24, 2021 at 5:36 pm
I FEEL SO CALLED OUT!!!! I JUST DROPPED £30 ON NEW JOURNALS THIS WEEK!! ON TOP OF THAT I’VE ALMOST FINISHED THE ONE I’M ON AND IT’S ONLY BEEN 6 MONTHS AHHH.
June 5, 2021 at 6:21 am
This is really interesting. When I was coming up as a baby dyke in the 90s, I knew A LOT of butch-butch couples. And many of those butch women are either still together or with other butch women. I think you’re right that it may be regional? You’re totally right on the representation though.
And I’m like you…maybe not considered butch by myself, but next to anyone remotely femme and I definitely stand out. I’m even called “sir” sometimes.
June 22, 2021 at 3:42 am
Can relate! I took a femme to a concert once and when I drove her back to her place she stopped before getting out and looked in my eyes (obviously wanting a good night kiss), but I didn’t notice until the next day when it struck me. DERP! She moved back to her home state shortly after that and I never saw her again. :'(
July 4, 2021 at 6:27 pm
This is one of the funniest things I have ever read. The fact that she uses a U-Haul to rob this is just… *chef’s kiss*
July 4, 2021 at 6:30 pm
1/5, I guess that’s a good thing? These were all atrociously hilarious…
August 24, 2021 at 9:50 am
Hi, how can I receive notification of the posts? Thanks
September 5, 2021 at 10:47 am
Thanks for sharing your experiences! This was a great read!
September 11, 2021 at 11:56 am
Autistic lesbian here and can I just say…JOMO. The joy of missing out. Seriously.
September 11, 2021 at 12:04 pm
Omg the IBS one whyyyyy
September 22, 2021 at 8:48 pm
I *love* “typical lesbian tree-hugging behavior”! So many of us lesbians spent our early girlhoods climbing trees?
September 25, 2021 at 12:15 pm
Aw, this is such a warm fuzzy post to read. Dedicated lesbian space really is like this.
November 18, 2021 at 10:26 am
I’m glad you did an article on this, two GNC women together is really taboo even among other lesbians. I don’t label myself butch but most other people would probably categorize me as such, and I like women who look like myself. Most women that look like me unfortunately only seem to be into feminine women. We’re a minority in a minority and it can be tough sometimes
November 28, 2021 at 2:07 pm
You captured this weekend so well! Brought back all the warm memories for me. <3
December 1, 2021 at 11:51 am
firstly let me say that i am sooo stoked that you’ve finally reviewed this show omfg. and second, i wholeheartedly second and agree with your review. like, i am absolutely glad that lesbians are afforded the same shitty reality tv opportunity as others, but beyond that i was not moved.
watching hayley and brianna’s relationship dynamics stressed me out and at times was triggering, but i truly hope they worked that out behind the scenes. i do hope for a second season and hope to see more dyke rep, (more butches/masc/studs please!!)
have you watched brat loves judy? i really hope for a second season for them! thank you for posting this x
December 1, 2021 at 12:25 pm
Let’s do a LOE retreat in Tampa with the baes #pride2022
December 3, 2021 at 7:14 am
Actualize 2022 in Tampa with the Baes
December 3, 2021 at 7:14 am
I’m glad you’re reviewing this. I had an unexpected good time with this show as the season progressed
December 8, 2021 at 9:47 am
One thing that put a sour taste in my mouth was the lack of Black lesbians. In Florida of all places…
April 26, 2022 at 5:39 pm
Love love love this! Always wonderful to read about everyday lives of lesbians <3
June 7, 2022 at 7:26 am
Thanks for sharing this story!! This sounds like a really cool experience. I also struggle with asking for what I want so I especially appreciate your sharing that part too. I’m going to try putting a pinch of salt in my coffee tomorrow (and maybe one day I’ll try an orgy!)
June 7, 2022 at 6:54 pm
This is amazing content
June 12, 2022 at 6:32 am
Your event looks SUPERBLY fun and empowering and is a model for similar gatherings all over the place. I am encouraging lesbians in other areas to create similar gatherings near them. Thanks for all that you do for lesbians, even those of us who live on the other end of the US and never meet you!
June 17, 2022 at 4:50 am
Sounds like such a great time and those workshops look really fun too! I’m glad this year was a success and I hope to join y’all in 2024!
June 23, 2022 at 11:29 am
These are some amazing stories and self-descriptions. Blessings on the out and proud out there!!
August 22, 2022 at 10:27 pm
Thank you so much for this write- up! This is Alison, the founder of Cherry Bomb Weho. It was great to meet you and I look forward to seeing y’all again soon! ❤️
October 8, 2022 at 2:33 pm
Love this article! It really brought me back o when I was also obsessed with Shego. I feel like you’ve articulated my own feelings that I had but never sat down and though about!
October 13, 2022 at 8:32 pm
“Threatening Girls Magazine” Brilliant!
You’d be interested also in Callisto, one of Xena the Warrior Princess’ villains
October 24, 2022 at 12:07 am
Lesbian at a gay orgy! Well that’s a new one for sure.
November 19, 2022 at 1:15 am
A hilarious read lmao, luckily never had any “ghost hauntings” happening to me!
December 7, 2022 at 2:14 pm
Im so excited to check this movie out! Thanks for writing the review 🙂
February 7, 2023 at 9:50 am
While Carrie is correctly in the #1 spot, I take issue with all the other rankings!! Finley is GROWING and taking ACCOUNTABILITY for her actions, which is something none of the other characters are doing!! Dani straight up ran a Big Pharma corporation and hasn’t once seemed to grapple with the moral implications of that whatsoever! And Sophie hasn’t done anything worse than any of the OGs!! To rank her and Finley below Tina is CRIMINAL
February 7, 2023 at 10:33 am
I wonder if qualified professionals might create a project similar to Spielberg’s Shoah Foundation which records interviews with survivors of the Holocaust. It would be wonderful and important to have the stories of older lesbians collected in this manner.
February 10, 2023 at 12:47 pm
A character that pees on her girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend hallway has to be ranked the worst
March 13, 2023 at 7:06 pm
I’m crying so much for her, I really loved her and identified with her as a lesbian and it was so unfair she was killed 😭😭😭😭